Breakups are hard, plain and simple. Just like a snowflake, each breakup is different. Some breakups hurt worse than others, some are more complicated, and some take longer to get through. No matter how the breakup happens, it's going to hurt. There is a month-by-month process that occurs after a breakup, at least what I've experienced with breakups. It took me nine months to finally get over an ex. Nine months of heartbreak and sadness, all leading up to a good end result. I moved on and was ready to get back out there. Nine months seems like a long time, but if you truly someone you won't be over them overnight. This is my breakup process, maybe you've gone through something similar?

Day One

You were just broken up with, and you’re crushed. You are feeling every single emotion, and you have no idea what to do. You’re pissed off that the person you love, the person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with, left you just like that. You’re sad and heartbroken because you had all these future plans with this person. You are mad at yourself because you know you could’ve been better, you know you could’ve done things differently and if you had, you may not have gotten broken up with. You’re confused because it all happened so fast, and you didn’t even get a good explanation as to why. You knew you two were having some sort of problems, but like always, you thought you'd make it through. Most of all you’re numb, you feel nothing yet everything all at once. Your stomach is turning, every single bone feels shattered. You don’t want to go on, but know you have to. You feel as if you will never move on, and that you will forever be attached to this person. Like they are a part of you, and you will never be full again without them. You hate them for leaving you but love them more than anything else, so not only are you broken, but your mind is also all over the place. You are lying in bed sobbing and screaming. Screaming their name and swearing in both anger and sadness. You scream, “Why?” over and over again in confusion. Your phone rings as concerned friends call you, you just ignore them. You haven’t changed your background yet so every time you pick up your phone you see the two of you. Every time you ignore your friends you just see that picture. They are just trying to help, but they're just making it worse with each call. Every time you see that picture of the two of you, you're reminded that you will never hug them again, never kiss them again, never cuddle them again, and never say "I love you," to them again. This throws you into an emotion filled frenzy every time you see that image. In anger, you throw your phone against the wall and try to ignore the constant sounds of people trying to contact you. You get up off of bed for the first time since it happened and rip up all the pictures and memories hanging on your wall and throw them in the trash. You just want to die; you don’t feel like you can go on living with this pain. All around you is darkness, you hope you’ll make your way out, but you don’t think you will.

The First Month

After taking a day or two off from the world you return to school, to work, to life. You feel like everyone is looking at you. You feel like they’re all talking about your breakup, which they very well may be. You walk into your school and of course the first thing you see is the person who just broke your heart. You get that numb feeling throughout your body again, your heart rate increases, your palms sweat, your stomach rolls, and you get a lump in your throat. You want to burst into tears but you don’t because you want to appear okay. You change your view to the floor in front of you and just continue walking. You want to go home and just be by yourself, but you manage to get through the day, even though it’s rough. This routine happens almost daily, as you have some classes with them, you share mutual friends with them, and even though you try not to show it, it tears you apart piece by piece. Within the first few days, you hear their voice for the first time since the breakup and your heart literally aches. You get instantly sick and want to throw up. Within the next few days, you hear them laugh for the first time since you broke up, you lose your composure and try not to burst into tears. You think to yourself, “Why are they laughing? We were together for years and they are laughing and happy this soon? Did I even mean anything to them?” All you want to do is lay in your bed and sleep and forget about the world. However, whenever you fall asleep you dream about them. Maybe it’s a dream where you are together and you are happy for a little while until you wake up and realize and then burst into tears. Or maybe it’s the nightmare of them breaking up with you all over again, or even them being with someone else. You can’t escape the thoughts and visions of them, and you just want to crawl into a hole and never see the light of day again. You see them being happy with their friends that they didn’t see much while you were together. You feel guilt knowing that because of you, they may have lost their close bonds with their friends. However, you befriended their friends and of course, they take their side over yours. You are not only newly broken up with by who you thought was the person you would marry, but you also lost a lot of your friends. You don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, in fact, you’re just entering the tunnel and only see darkness.

Months Two-Five

Here you start to become more of yourself, but not who you were in the relationship, who you were before. After the first month has lapsed and you've stopped crying 24/7, you start to check their Facebook daily. Partly to check on them, partly because you miss them and just want to see their face, and partly to see if they are moving on with someone else. Your heart is still broken, and you still cry once in a while. There is not a day that goes by where you don’t think about them. Seeing them around school and hearing about them from friends doesn’t help your case. You are starting to become a little more independent, but not too. You watch them at lunch, just to see them smile and be happy, and that makes you realize how unhappy you are. You still love them, and you don’t understand how they can be so happy while you’re not. You start hanging out with people again, spending some time outside of your bedroom. You aren’t happy but you’re starting to smile and laugh. Something that you never thought you would do again. You have a little hope that you will be happy again in time. However, you feel like no one else knows what you’re going through. You feel like you can’t talk to anyone about it like they don't want to hear about it. You think to yourself, "It happened months ago, they don't want me to whine about it now." You just try as hard as you can to get them out of your head and once in a blue moon there may be a day where you don’t think of them once. You are slowly but surely making your way through the dark tunnel, not seeing the light yet, but you start to have hope there may be one eventually.

The Sixth Month

It’s been six whole months since the person you love threw you to the curb. You feel like it has been years, but at the same time, you feel like you were dumped just yesterday. Your heart still hurts, but it’s not as broken as it once was. You start to not really look for them in class anymore. Still feeling awkward in their presence but not searching for them. You hear their voice, and it no longer makes you sad. You still miss them, but you find yourself having spans where you’re not looking them up on Facebook. It’s no longer an everyday thing, maybe even just once a week you type in their name. You start to think what’s going through their mind when they see you. “Do they hate me? Are they ever going to speak to me?” You are spending more time out of your bedroom than in it now. You’re going out and doing things, you’re completely social again. You are becoming happy again. You are still sad, you still miss them, and you still yearn for the affection of someone, but you’re doing okay. You think about them on and off. You wonder if they ever think about you, but don’t really care if they do or not. All of the sudden you see a light, it’s still quite some ways up there, but you’re getting closer.

Months Seven and Eight

Wow, just like that you’ve been single over half a year. You begin to realize that maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. You can finally think about your relationship without breaking into tears. You look at all the fights you two had, all the things you actually don’t have in common, the way they treated you, the way you treated them. Sure, you loved each other and you wanted to marry each other, but you realize how no matter how much love and hope you two had, that in the long run it probably wouldn’t have worked out. The dreams that you had literally every single night, only return once in a while. You still feel for them in your heart, and you still may shed a tear once in a while, but it no longer takes over your life. You begin to open your mind to the possibility of maybe dating sometime in the distant future, but you’re unsure as you still have feelings them. You hope soon that these feelings will be gone because you do want to get out there, especially with seeing all the couples. You miss having that with someone, but you can’t bring yourself to have it again quite yet. The light is getting bigger as you start to get happier and hope to date sometime soon. You are quickly approaching the light at the end of the tunnel that you once thought never existed.

Month Nine

It’s nearing a year that you’ve been single. You now realize that a part of you will always love the person that broke up with you. You loved them with everything you had, and once you give that away, you can never take it all back. You see them in the halls and maybe you wave, maybe you don’t. The point is, just nine months ago if you saw them in the hall, you got sick to your stomach and about burst into tears. Time has made you from wanting to end it all; sleeping more than you were awake, not socializing with anyone, clinically depressed, to being a social butterfly who is better than you were when you were in the relationship. You have your finances straightened out, you are spending so much time with friends and family, and you are happy. Nine months ago you never thought you would feel the happiness you felt when you were with them, but now you’re even happier. You are exercising off all the pounds you put on in your depression, you’re starting to feel good about yourself. They may cross your mind once in a while, but you never intentionally think of them. You no longer look them up on Facebook or dream about them. You no longer wonder if they think about you, or even what they think about you. You don’t care anymore; you have moved on. Sure, a part of you will always care about them and love them, but that isn’t going to hold you back anymore. You may download Tinder or Meet Me. You want to put yourself out there again. You start to mingle, and maybe even date. You want to do it right this time, you want to take things slow, and be the best you can. You’ve learned so much from your last relationship and you want to make your next one, “the one.” You have spent nine long months in agony, but it’s all over now. You are happy with your life and ready to start it with someone new. Nine months later you have finally moved on, and you can begin again. The tunnel is now behind you, and you’re free.

These nine months have been some of the hardest you’ve experienced, but now that they are over and you’ve moved on, you’re happy. You know that someday you will find “The one.” They showed you what love was like, and showed you some things you want in a relationship, and some things you don’t. Each relationship before you meet “the one,” just prepares you more and more. You learn what you want and what you don’t. Break ups suck, but you can make it through them. Just focus on yourself and think about how one day you’ll find that one person who won't leave you.

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