To the boy who must not be named,
I want to start by saying that I am not mad that you left. People always leave. I am mad, however, with the way you left. With no explanation or a second thought. I am not mad that you may have led me on or let me believe you were different, no.
I am mad at myself for letting me believe it again.
Time after time.
"Well," they say, "you just have such a big heart with so much love to give. You have a healing aura and that means you attract a lot of broken people who don't know how to fix themselves."
Yeah, maybe that's it, but you didn't seem broken to me. If anyone is left broken, it is me. I'll admit it, you broke a part of me when you left like you did and it will take me a long time to return to the normalcy that you took.
I miss you. It's true. I know I shouldn't, but I do. It's so obvious that I shouldn't because you've made yourself very clear, by ignoring my messages and dodging all ways of communication, that you don't want to speak to me. I can't help myself from craving your touch like the way you held my held in your truck or had your arm around me while we watched Netflix in my dorm.
I miss the way you made me laugh, with all I had, with my soul. You made my soul happy like I had finally found a person that wouldn't hurt me and understood my soul entirely. I guess I was wrong about that too.
Do you still have the note that had everything we had hoped to do together on your phone?
Do you still wish there were nights where you weren't alone?
Do you wish you didn't do what you did?
Do the travel posts on Instagram make you think of me or maybe the ones of really cute dogs do? You used to send those to me.
Do you still think that whatever souls are made of yours and mine are the same?
Do you still think about me sitting shotgun in your truck, mudding in Alabama?
I don't even know if you'll see this or if you'll read it, but on the off chance that you do... I hope whatever you're looking for out there is on it's way to you because you deserve to be happy even if you take happiness from other people. I hope you'll realize that you made a mistake with me because we felt very good together and maybe, just maybe, we could rebuild that again. I hope my heart knows what it is doing because, right now, it can't get over you and I think you know that. I hope someday that you need and want me like I have you for this time without you.
To the boy who must not be named, I hope someday you'll come back to me because I know that we can be great if you give it a chance.
To the boy who must not be named, I kind of someday you'll want to come back, but I won't want you because I've found someone who cherishes the time and effort I give to them.
To the boy who must not be named, I don't want to miss you, but I do.
Lastly, to the boy who must not be named, did you catch up on "Riverdale"? What did you think?