To The Boy Who Called Me Fat
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

To The Boy Who Called Me Fat

You're a jerk.

To The Boy Who Called Me Fat
Jessica Mercedes Winans
"At least I'm not heavy like you, Jess, right?"

Pause. The music playing in the background gently fades, my eyes leaving the faces of my friends to focus on a tree in the background. A familiar sensation of worthlessness washes over me.

Flash back to seventh grade. At about 180 pounds, 5 foot 4 and 12 years old, I was, in medical terms, obese. At the sensitive age of 12, kids are brutal. Whale, chubby, Teletubby and my favorite, "fat Mexican" were names I heard basically every day.

One day as I was leaving the school bus, it's funny the things you remember, I heard "You should go on Weight Watchers!"

So I would go home and find comfort in junk food and TV. What would now probably be considered a binge eating disorder, was then to me just my routine.

When I got to high school, the weight started coming off. I developed a unhealthy relationship with food and terrible body image, dropped 50 pounds and became a zombie. Counting every calorie, running every mile with the sole purpose of shrinking my own body, for what? My relationships crumbled (as did five of my bones from malnourishment) around me as I chose to stay in instead of hang out with friends, because when friends hang out, they eat, and I didn't want to be over my calorie count for the day.

I destroyed my metabolism during my bouts with anorexia, gained 10 pounds despite exercising and eating clean and am left to deal with the psychological consequences weight gain causes in those with a history of disordered eating.

And while all of my friends are out enjoying their summer in their bikinis, I am having panic attacks trying to find an outfit to wear to even the most trivial places, like the supermarket.

Honestly though, it had been forever since anyone had made such a comment about my weight, as until now I had been rather thin.

To the boy who called me fat, do you know how long it took me to get ready to go to this party?

Do you know how many outfits I tried on, my friends reassuring me I looked okay and not to worry, before my head finally gave up and decided on something?

I didn't try on 20 outfits because I just love all of my clothes and couldn't decide what looked best, or because the weather was up in the air and I didn't want to be cold...

I tried on 20 outfits because looking at myself in the mirror, being confronted with my "new body" and extra weight -- my biggest fear -- paralyzed me.

And while I felt your words like knives in my most tender bones, you -- the boy who called me fat -- don't have the right to bring me back to that dark place.

The place of consistently avoiding food, the place of spending two-plus hours at the gym, the place of sitting in my bed at night crying because I ate a bowl of organic cereal, which put me over my "allotted" calorie count and carbohydrate levels for the day, because my hunger was so real that it literally woke me up in the middle of the night.

So instead, I'm going to heal.

I'm going to write and paint and spend time with my family and friends.

I'm going to use the four hours a day I probably spend tracking my calories and worrying about my weight to stop and enjoy my life.

To the boy who called me fat,

I'd love to say I don't care. I'd love to agree with my friends who tell me that you are just a narcissistic prick and I'm "hot" or whatever, but to be honest, I do care.

But instead of being upset that I care, instead of crying any more than I already have over a mere seven words, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:

You could be a size zero and have cholesterol levels through the roof, so out of shape you can't walk up the stairs without wheezing.

You could be a size eight and be able to run an entire half marathon without a break and eat a well balanced, plant-based diet.

You can be a size 24 and spend hours a day dancing your heart out, eating three square meals and taking hikes in your free time.

Why is everything about weight?

You have NO idea what I've been through at all. Quite frankly, you have no idea what ANYONE has been through at all. I don't care if you are a literal God or Hercules himself, you have ZERO right to make ANY comments about ANYONE'S body. In a world where pro-anorexia blogs, Tumblr accounts, Instagram feeds and the like exist, it is our job to promote self-love, acceptance and health.

To the boy who called me fat: you hurt me.

But it's what I do with this pain you've caused me that makes me a stronger human than you'll ever be.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?


Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.


Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments