Loving you was like nothing I have ever experienced. You walked into my life unexpectedly, as if God knew you would change me for the better, as if I needed you. I thank God every day that you walked into my life and gave me the opportunity to truly know what it felt like to love someone and for someone to love me. I always wonder where it all went wrong and why we just kept falling apart, because at one time or another we were the couple that everyone wished they were.
Not only did you show me how to love, but you showed me how to love myself, and that’s the best thing you could have done. You truly changed me and if you’re reading this, I thank you for that. You helped me through my worst and were there for my best. The adventures we went on, the late night drives to go get food, when you’d dance with me in the kitchen, you’d play with my hair until I fell asleep, you’d lend me your arms for me to cry in…you actually made me feel secure.
It’s weird though, now I feel empty, as if you took a part of me when you left me. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you. Not a day goes by where I replay how we started, but also how we ended. I miss the way you would gently grab my face and pull me in closer to you and kiss me. Isn’t it funny how things change though? You left like it was just so easy to walk away from two years full of laughs, love, and lots of ups and downs. I miss your voice, your hands, your touch, your love, your family, laying in your bed as we think of the now as well as the future together.
The sad part is, I actually didn’t believe you when you said, “I promise I won’t leave you”. Why? Because you’ve left before this final time and I just had so much hope for us. What’s even more sad, is that I ACTUALLY let you back in every single time, PRAYING you would change and stay with me. You broke my heart. I’m stuck in-between with loving and hating you.
You loved me through my worst and through my best. You loved me for who I was and who you helped me become. But then you told me you loved me and that’s why you had to leave. Now I’m confused as to what love is. So you’ve left me wondering if I should still love or hate you, but in all honesty, I don’t know what to think, because I don’t want to love or hate you.
Maybe weeks, months, or even years from now you will realize that walking away was a mistake. You might even realize that it actually was the right thing to do, but we won’t know until the time comes.
Thanks to you, I am now careful as to who I open up to like the way I opened up to you. You were so special to me and I'm not too sure if someone else can compare to how you made me feel. There are so many things that run through my mind every single day that you’ll never know, or even begin to understand. I find it difficult to even put into words how I feel, but thanks to you, I am now able to write about our time together and how it has changed me.
Most importantly, thank you for making me a stronger person. Without you leaving me, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to focus on myself again and find the good in goodbye.
I pray the next girl who is in your arms is able to experience the true meaning of love, because you made me the happiest girl at one point, and I thank you for that. I’m just not too sure that I understand how “love” works and one day I know that I will figure it out.
Thank you.
