I remember when we first met. I had just moved here and I was unsure of myself, so alone, and then I met you. We were quick to become friends, and suddenly we were doing everything together. We would stay up late chatting online, and wake up early to talk before school. You became someone I trusted with my feelings and confided in. You were someone I never expected, and all too quickly you were someone I couldn't imagine being without.

You were the best friend I've ever had. We shared all of the same interests. We liked all of the same music. Best of all, you loved the Lord just as much as I did. We grew up together and watched each other change, and we embraced it. We grew closer each day, and every day with you was a good day. You didn't mind that I was shy and quiet, and I didn't mind that you liked to talk so much, I didn't have to do any of the talking. You let me be myself completely, and I didn't feel like I needed to impress you. You made me feel safe, and I was so comfortable being friends with you. You made it so easy.

We told everyone we were "just friends", but we were in love, and everyone knew it. There was no hiding it. You never officially asked me to be your girlfriend, but we both knew I was. You made my heart beat faster, and I was stupid to think I wouldn't get too caught up in you.

You brought out the best in me, and helped me become who I am today. For that I will be forever grateful.

The years that we spent together were some of the best years of my life. I didn't think it was possible to feel the way I did when I was around you. You made me smile just by walking in the room. I loved you so much it scared me, and I didn't want it to stop.

But then you changed.

Instead of being completely happy when I saw you, it was mixed with sadness, anger, and jealousy. You stopped calling, texting, and coming around. You avoided me like I was the plague. At the time I didn't know why. You had changed so fast. Almost overnight. I couldn't explain why you were avoiding me so much, and I didn't put two and two together.

Until now.

Now it's so clear to me.

I just want you to know that I don't hate you, I never could.

I hate myself for letting my guard down and loving you so much.

I hate how even when it started to crumble, I tried to put the pieces back together.

I hate how you lead me on for months making me feel like I still had a chance.

I hate the way you ended it because I didn't know you could be so heartless.

I didn't think that you would ever be so mean to me. I thought I could count on you to be my friend, to help me, not hurt me. You said sorry just for show, because if you actually meant it you wouldn't have done what you did. You took the easy way out, and that made it harder for me. I never thought you could be the type of guy I was trying to avoid.

I hate that deep down I knew you didn't feel the same as me anymore. I was lying to myself saying we were okay. I lied to myself by thinking you would come back to me.

I keep telling myself I'm going to be okay, and eventually I will be, but right now it's still hard. I miss getting excited and telling you about all the tiny things that happen during my day, but nights are the worst. I can't find anything to keep me busy, I can't think of anything but what we had and how you hurt me, and I feel so alone. Nightmares about you are so frequent, and 3:00 a.m. crying sessions have become my usual. I wake up every day and feel the pain of losing you all over again.

I'm moving on, but just know that what you did really hurt me, and I hope you don't ever do what you did to me to anyone else. They don't deserve it.

I'm going to find someone better, someone who makes me smile brighter and makes me laugh louder. I'm going to find someone who loves me second and God first. I'm going to find someone who sees my flaws, and loves them. I'm going to find someone that embraces me when times are tough; not someone who walks away. I'm going to be okay.

I'm not saying I'll forget you, because that's an impossible task. I know I'll think back to the memories we share and it will crush me. Honestly, I hope you think of them and they crush you too, because that means that what we had was real and that it meant something to you too.

I'm not going to forget all the promises you gave to me, even the ones you broke. I'm not going to be bitter about this either, because that's not who I am. I want you to know that I'm really going to miss you. I'll miss our wonderful friendship more than anything. I'll miss having someone to confide in. I'll miss your family too. I love them just as much as I did you.

As painful as this is, I'm still grateful. This experience has shown me that I have so many more reasons to be thankful for the life i've been given than being in love. It's shown me that I need to take more time for myself and pay attention to the way I feel. It's taught me that I need to listen to my gut feeling more often, and that I should trust God's guidance completely. I've realized how many wonderful friends I have that are there for me when I need them most, and that they truly care about my well being. It's taught me that I don't really need you.

Years from now, I'll probably wonder how you are, and I will wish you all the same happiness that I will have found. I hope you find the perfect Proverbs 31 woman, and I hope she is perfect for you and better than me in every way, because I'll always wish the best for you.

"I beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace."

I hope she loves you more than I ever could.

To pluto and back.