Emotionally depleted — that’s what I felt after starting a leadership training program at a camp in Wisconsin. I felt so overwhelmed. I had gone through forming my college freshman year with ups and downs, trying to better understand how people worked, changes in personality, growing in my communication skills, re-evaluating certain parts of my theology, and having conversations where I was vulnerable, poured into, and acknowledged in truths and brokenness that were in me. Also, before I left for Wisconsin, I decided to initiate a conversation with my parents which revisited some old wounds (no, this is not an anti-parent article. In fact, I know that my parents love me deeply and even if my life fell apart, I know that I could run to them and they’d be there for me, always). I went to Wisconsin with a heart that was overflowing and shoulders that carried baggage.

Then it snowed — in May — in Wisconsin. After going through my freshman year in college, I was hoping for a summer that was going to be easy and restorative. I was wrong. I wore two layers of socks on my feet, two layers of socks on my hands because I didn’t have any gloves, two layers of legwear, two beanies, and multiple layers of body wear. I finally understood what the Westmont out-of-state students meant when they said they loved California weather. Also, it kind of felt like freshman year again; I was meeting a bunch of new people who I didn’t know.

Furthermore, I met a woman named Rhonda (not sure if this version is how you actually spell her name, but you get the point). Rhonda was a woman who was one of our leaders for activities (team bonding) that was part of our leadership training. I ended up rubbing her the wrong way and there was a bit of friendly tension between us. I came to Wisconsin with a full heart, and going through all of this left me super exhausted. One thing I noticed was that I felt energy and joy getting sucked out of me. And I was training to be a camp counselor for young people to help them grow in their relationship with God, and to introduce them to God if they didn’t know Him. I felt weak and unprepared (especially since I am not an outdoorsy person and I am afraid that I may get my campers lost in the woods or end up letting them drown because I can only tread for so long).

But God has been checking my heart on this. I have realized that at this camp I am surrounded by people who love deeply. When people saw me exhausted, they encouraged me and asked how I was doing and they were there for me when I needed someone to be. One thing that brightened my heart was when Judson, my unit leader, told me that he had a love that started growing for me. Right now, I still feel weak. I still feel broken. I still have a lot of growing to do. But, I am so thankful for the people I have spent time with so far at this camp in Wisconsin. And I am so glad that I have a God who is going to be with me through all of this.