There have been moments in my life where I thought that I needed someone. When I believed I genuinely could't move forward with my life without them. That without their presence in my life I would never, could never be happy again. However, I learned that there is a beauty in loss.
They sneak into your dreams and tell you everything going to be okay, and that they still love you. Then you wake up, and their absence is just as large as before. You wake up and for a spit moment, you forget about all your troubles, and all your fears and you are greeted by the new day. The troubles soon follow and you're swallowed by the pain again. The pain of your mistakes and the pain of the hole in your chest that seems to grow by the minute continues to follow you. Your day is crowded by avoiding them, the songs that you sang together and all the little things remind you of them and it just hurts. You flinch every time you see their car, their sister in the supermarket, and you stop eating ramen because it was their favorite.
Somehow though, with time, it doesn't hurt so bad. You find yourself dreaming of them and they're just in the back round, they don't matter as much. When you see them at the pizza place in town your heart doesn't stop beating in its chest, it just burns a little. That won't go away, that feeling is there to remind you of a lost love, a love that will never come back, but you don't really want it to. With time you stop looking for them in simple things and you realize how beautiful the world is again. You can see clearly now, of all the things that you were missing in life. This, this is a beautiful time.
Then the day will come where it doesn't hurt at all. Where you laugh at the misfortunes and forgive for the mistakes. You will be able to talk about them in the past tense and it won't seem unfitting. The day will come when you just don't care anymore. You just don't see any reason to hurt because of them. You will pick being happy because of you, instead of feeling broken because of them.
So right now, if you're heartbroken or lonely, know that there will be a day where it doesn't hurt anymore. When you will find comfort in singing alone in the car, or with someone new. You will see that silver Honda and not look for their face in the drivers side. Listening to the radio and not worry if certain songs will come on.
Because pain goes away if you let it. You will realize all you're left holding onto of them is pain.
There is a certain kind of beauty in loss, it just takes time to see it.