I found myself in a swirl of emotions. It didn’t seem this weird when I first started college, but throughout my first semester there was a sense of odd loneliness I never experienced before. As I turned off my laptop for the night and tried getting some sleep — I couldn't help but feel sad. It just did not make any sense. My grades were decent, I was really involved on campus, I had some great people as friends, everything seemed the way it should.

Don’t get me wrong. I love college. I love the way I have control over every minute of my life… Well, sort of. I like how I meet people and connect with some who I otherwise would never speak to back home.

There are the midnight runs to get milkshakes and pizza bagels, there are the long morning lines where everyone's eyes scream to get a cup of coffee in result of the long night before. There are the classes — with stories, and faces, and professors and material that I would otherwise never even look into. There is the homework and tests, the workload and stress. But there is also the laughter from walking back to your dorm after a crazy night of memories.

It was everything I signed up for. Yet, even with all this, I found myself lonely. I would say it was missing home, and surely a large part of it was.I was longing for the warmth of my father's hug, or the arguments with my brother over the TV. But that wasn’t all.I was longing to go back to a place of love every night after a long day. I was longing for someone to ask me how my day went. I was longing for the homemade food on the dinner table — one which I helped prepare with my family. I longed for comfort. I longed for being taken care of, not having to worry about every minute of my day.

But I knew I was here by my own choice. And in the midst of all this confusion and upry, I found myself just starting to cry. It wasn’t my school, my teachers or my friends. It wasn’t my family. It was only me. It was the independence that I had longed to taste, the way I choose the time to waste.

It was me choosing to let go of people in my life, who were actually there just to waste my energy. I took a look and for the first time… I wasn’t lonely, I was burden free. The time I had, was mine. I wasn’t driving to fix anyone else’s problems. It was a bittersweet feeling. For the first time in a long time, I was seeing that this feeling was the feeling of accomplishment. I had done everything I needed to and now I was just... Free. Sure, I still love giving my time to others. I still seek new adventures and run into trouble all the time. But it is my trouble and I have let go of those who hurt me.

College is more about self-discovery over anything. Contrary to what others may say, college isn’t a giant sleepover with your friends everyday. Some days, you can go without seeing anyone. Other days you have a breakfast, lunch and dinner dates set with your best friend. However, there will be times when you are just alone. There are times, when no one will be nudging you to get something done. You will feel lost, and honestly, that is perfectly OK.

So maybe it's a bit of homesickness, the independence, and moments of being lost. But at the end of the day, even if you feel lonely — you aren’t alone in that. Give yourself a chance to grow, give yourself a chance to learn about yourself. Give yourself that chance to be free.