The Balancing Act Between Words and Feelings

The Balancing Act Between Words and Feelings

Dr. Seuss summed it up best. "So, open your mouth, lad! For every voice counts!.........I meant what I said and I said what I meant........The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind........So be sure when you step, step with care and great tact. And remember that life is a great balancing act."

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When did the world become so sensitive and unsympathetic at the same time? Don't get me wrong, I am probably one of the most sensitive people you could ever meet. I cry for everything, including those sappy commercials where family comes home and manages to put the coffee pot on (without waking a soul) and as they are just taking that first sip, they are greeted by someone who was carried in by the aroma. Then instantly, they share a smile and yes, I know you're singing it, "the best part of waking up….", go ahead finish it. Not the coffee..., the jingle.

Being hypersensitive is not such a bad thing. Hypersensitivity or being a "highly sensitive person" (HSP) is not a disorder. According to psychologist and psychotherapist Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., people like me can not only "read" the mood of a room quickly, but we can pick up on cues that others can not in order to weigh in on decisions we make. The author of The Highly Sensitive Person says "It's good in some situations and not in others". I remember being told that I was overly sensitive when I was growing up. I wore my heart on my sleeve and my emotions on my face, I still do.

The world seems to have lost something though. While there are many others like me, not all know how to channel that sensitivity, instead they find offense and react defensively to people and situations around them. On the flip side, we now have a new generation that feels brutal honesty is best with little or no regard as to how those on the receiving end will accept or feel about their “honesty". I realize I'm generalizing. This is not the case for all, but this seems to be the ones we hear about more frequently. There has been a shift in sentiment with a higher regard for self these days. On the opposite extreme, there are those that see everything as an indication of being slighted in some way. In fact, these days you're fortunate enough to be able to get through traffic without receiving a barrage of insults or expletives, getting flipped off, or run off the road. Worst-case scenario, as per headlines lately, a slighted driver retaliates with a high-speed chase or attaching themselves to the hood of a car banging and screaming only to end with guns, bats, or fists to demonstrate the futility of road rage.

Whatever end of the spectrum one might be, there seems to be a need to dole out more effective communication skills. A new line must be drawn allowing every color, race, gender, and religion of people to speak freely, honestly, without fear of retaliation while still having words guided by some strain of sensitivity. It has been lost in translation somehow that the spoken word may not always be received or heard in the same way by everyone who hears it. Voices DO need to be heard in order to continue progress when it comes to #metoo, #blacklivesmatter, #bluelivesmatter, and every other hashtag you can think of. In the end, we all have a voice but we all have feelings too. At least, I should hope we do. When we begin to lose empathy in our society, destruction is inevitable.

We learn to communicate from birth and keep learning as we grow. Our culture, upbringing, and education guide us through what's acceptable. While there should never be a need to "hold your tongue", learning and teaching common sense and sensitivity in communication ultimately begins at the beginning. My theory for most things is that most issues can lead back to the family unit. However, that's a much wider undertaking and dynamic to understand. I guess the best advice to give is what my mother always told me, “ think before you speak", and “if you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all". I think I would include, “if your words don't add value to others or the world around you, keep them to yourself!"

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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Newsflash! It's Time For Everybody To Love Everybody

Come on, people, get it together.

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I, personally, think it's time for everybody to just start loving each other. Now listen, this doesn't mean you need to actually love everyone, but at least accept them. Acceptance is the closest thing we are gonna get to loving each other.

Let me tell you a little something: politics at the moment are very messy. No matter which side it is, it's messy. There is no denying that. If you try to deny that, then good for you, you're not helping anybody. If you really want some change, you need to start being the bigger person. Change isn't about who can yell about something louder or who has the "better" argument, it's about being respectful.

Just because someone has an opposing view does not mean you need to yell at them. Does yelling solve anything ever? Maybe temporarily, like for 2 minutes, but that's about as long as you're gonna get. There's absolutely no need to indirectly say something about certain individuals on social media. Yes, there is freedom of speech, but everybody should keep in mind why they have that right and why they still have it.

I do not understand why it is so hard to be respectful of one another. If someone goes after another person talking about how absolutely terrible it is of them thinking something should be illegal, the person who's being yelled at should respectfully ignore the other individual's disrespectful remarks. If the individual does not stop, then they are not aware that they are making no difference in the world.

What I'm trying to get at here is that in order to love each other, we really need to accept all our differences. If we really want change we need to go right to the sources, not just yell at each other from across the street. If everyone learned to accept each other, life would be a whole lot easier. Is this ever going to happen? Of course not. This is the solution though, whether you think so or not.

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