Someone used to constantly remind me that I should never settle for anything. That very same individual, however, is teaching me quite well the art of losing. It is, in my own opinion, a fact that losing something or someone is one of the most difficult struggles of which to overcome. Consider some of the most textbook quality of examples: A child being either furious or, in other senses, completely bogged down after the loss of any competitive activity, a mother mourning the loss of her unborn child, or in a more relatable sense the ending of a relationship with someone whom you swore you could build a forever from their belly. All of these, of course, are realities of which we were not crossing our fingers for. So, what's to do? How do we humble our superior, set-minded souls to what seemingly unfair cards life has just dealt to us? Well, perhaps it takes a multitude of things, but from what I'm learning, as I try most every method granted to my eager fingertips, is that you have to first accept.

Please take note that this is not settling. This is crucial because if we cannot accept what is lost then we will never be able to move forward to what is truly to come. I can tell you first hand that accepting loss is hard. However, it is even worse to be in a sort of hazed, half-reality only to receive the slap to the face that things aren't what you're making them to be. There is no rematch. That baby can't stay here. That boyfriend of two years doesn't want you anymore. So take my word for it and just take in the gravity of it all. Know that it is certainly okay to be upset. Grieving is, believe it or not, a crucial part of it all. It is only after acceptance that a person is truly able to continue forward, and the time it takes for acceptance is as various and individual as the situations themselves.

After coming to terms with loss you become, almost ironically so, free to move on to something new -- perhaps even better than before. As cliché as it may seem, beauty truly lies in the eye of the beholder. I say this because where you go from here, what future you choose to chase, must be beautiful to you. If not, you are settling. Even worse so, you are losing to the loss itself. Which doesn't sound like freedom, does it? Move forward with passions and chase them with a relentless vigor. Practice harder, be a good sport, and win the next game. Try again, adopt, love that child. Wait for him or her if they're really the one, love who you are so you can love others, move on if they're not yours to keep. This step may appear to be one of the most difficult steps because it requires you to step out of your comfort zone and to be vulnerable; something many of us would rather not do. Though, to me, being stuck seems to be the harsher fate. Following this, you can hopefully begin to find a new balance, or as some would say "normal."

Most people would agree that there is a lot of security to be found in a balance of sorts (even if that balance is rested upon the strongholds of spontaneity). So, once you've found something, start incorporating that into your life. As you begin to replace what was with what is, your outlook begins to shift to what, hopefully, appears to be a better reality and thus a greater sense of fulfillment especially as time progresses. During this time you may come to realize that things truly are taking a turn for the better. You may enjoy your new playing spot, or feel more confident in your playing and start winning more games. You may realize that you are now closer to your spouse than ever before, or you now have a healthy, happy, child. You may find that your ex comes back and sees you for who you have become and not who you were; you may have a more loving and passionate relationship, or you may find the person who loves you truly and unconditionally. When this happens you start to feel better as the past becomes a bittersweet memory for the books. From here one is usually able to begin to accept, dare I say appreciate, the newness of their reality.

This phase is similar to that of the beginning in the idea that one must step back to view their progress. Be it years, months, weeks, there comes such an innocent and sweet pride when one is able to see where their strength and their zeal have carried them. Usually this not only completes a person's sense of redemption, but it also propels them forward, knowing and seeing their ability to not only survive the loss, but to thrive from it. A saying that may have sounded a bit like a corny pick up for a prestigious counseling center had I used it earlier.

This motive of positivity shows that no one chooses to settle for the less, nor the likely depressing reality that follows, or the effortless struggle and constant sense that their best memories have already been made. Never knowing that really, it was only the beginning. So I dare reach out and share with you the same thing: Never settle.