They say write about what you know, and here’s what I know. I know that the first time I was ever asked about boyfriends I was 13 years old. I was in eight grade and single, something I’d never seen as a flaw until then. I know that every year since, I was usually greeted with a sympathetic you’ll find someone the minute I spoke up about my relationship status. It’s just assumed that I’ve probably been rejected. I know that when I come home for holidays, I have a rehearsed and memorized response about how no, I don’t have a boyfriend yet and yes, I know I’m not getting any younger. Of course questions about my major and my grades generally follow, but not before getting the hot gossip on my love life. I know that too many times I’ve heard friends talk about being single shamefully, as if it’s something they’d rather hide. As if being single wasn’t acceptable.
They say write about what you know, and boy do I know about being single.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not embarrassed by it. I don’t mean it in that self-deprecating way where I’m actually secretly fishing for compliments and validation. True, it’s not something I actively advertise, but it’s not out of humiliation. It’s a fact of life – some people are vegans, some people are Capricorns, some people have blue eyes and some people are single. The only real difference is that no one will ever feel sorry for you because of your zodiac, as if you’re missing out by being a Gemini instead of a Scorpio. So why is it that the minute people talk about being single, it’s treated like a terminal disease?
When did being partner-less become a situation that needed to be avoided at all costs? When did relationship statuses become some kind of personal indicator? When did being single become a problem in need of fixing? I’m looking at you Bachelor/Bachelorette.
It’s common knowledge that a relationship can be incredibly rewarding, and this is in no way a stance against them. This is simply highlighting the fact that there should be no stigma against being single and no dependence on relationships. As misleading as the title can be, this is in no way a lesson on being single – that was simply an aesthetic choice. Truth be told, there’s no sure way to be single. It’s not a step-by-step process. There’s no rubric on how to to it successfully. Most of the time it feels like a guessing game where all the contestants are blindfolded; difficult to navigate and a little messy. Not to mention that it's different for everyone. But despite there not being any set rules or procedures, it doesn’t mean there’s nothing to accomplish either. Contrary to popular belief, romantic solitude can actually be incredibly beneficial.
Sure, the opinion is biased. And sure, it will definitely differ from that of two people in happy relationships. But in spite of all that, some truth prevails.
I’ve always been a firm believer that the most important relationship is the relationship with oneself. Cliché? Definitely. There’s such a negative connotation on being single, because for some reason we’ve condemned the idea of being alone. But sometimes being alone is a blessing in disguise. There’s a notion of fear attached to solitude, when in reality you could be celebrating the time you have to discover who you are, what you want, what you like. There will come a time for dating, and relationships, and marriage (if that’s what you want) because there’s no time stamp on those phases of life. Sometimes being single happens not for lack of want, but maybe for lack of need. Maybe there are other aspects in your life that need more attention. Pressing pause on dating or relationships to focus on school, or work, or even yourself is not a punishment – being single is not a punishment, so it’s about time we stop seeing it as one.
Now, this doesn't mean reject relationships. It doesn't mean that it's not possible to grow and to learn while in a relationship. It means it's perfectly OK to be without one. It means it's OK to be OK with just yourself.
Embrace being single while it lasts, because who knows when’s the next time you’ll get to be alone with yourself?
