Some people are fortunate enough to have great men direct them towards a path of success from the moment they take their first breath. Others may have never met their fathers or have an inconsistent relationship with them and struggle throughout their lives to balance forgiveness and anger. I have a different kind of experience, one where my real father countered my biological father’s absence.

My father is one of those great men who raised and guide their sons through the difficult teen years and beyond. My experience has led me to believe that it is essential for everyone to have a positive father figure. This is especially true for kids like myself, young Black and Latino men who grow up in cities with few opportunities to strive and lots of dead-end paths.

As a child, I had a large group of friends. We were young, innocent, and eager to discover who would win our daily pickup basketball games. For a long time, the only thing that mattered was how “nice” we were becoming at our favorite sports. Sports played a significant role in all our lives because growing up in urban areas such as Hoboken, Jersey City and Union City, many of us felt sports were the only way out.

It wasn’t just about being “nice”, but about chasing those collegiate scholarships and getting a chance to get out and experience the world outside of Hudson County. There was so much talent around me and the competition was incredible. This is why it came as a great surprise seeing all these dudes just give up and let the opportunity go.

When we got to high school, however, I began to notice significant changes taking place. Right away I observed guys that I grew up with who had tons of talent, stop playing the sports that they were good at, and started spending more time in the streets. After school, instead of heading to the field or court, I’d see them outside at the corner smoking or hanging out with some chick.

Football practice usually ended around seven o’clock and on my way home I’d see them still at the corner, hanging out with a crowd I would never in a million years imagine them befriending. Soon, I’d see them at the games in the stands instead of on the court or the field. In all honesty, I didn’t pay too much attention to these changes because I was so caught up in my own life. Now reflecting on those years, I have a better understanding of why they made those choices and fell off track: lack of guidance.

We all have come to that fork in the road where life gets a bit more serious, and less fun. Towards the end of high school, we hit a turning point where we have to make a decision on what we see ourselves doing, and how exactly are we going to get to college, if that is something we want to do.

Some people are so strong-minded that they make that decision early on their own, with no parental influence at all. God bless those people because it takes a special person to do that. Many others need a push, from either mom or dad. But a lot of the kids that I grew up with, had no father. Perhaps if they had that extra push, that extra motivation, that fatherly support, they might have fulfilled that potential we all had as children.

I’m a firm believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. The man who became my father lost his own grandmother, my great-grandmother, two months before I was born.

Although I didn’t meet him until I was three years old, he always told me he felt God had taken someone dear from him, only to bring him a new life. Now, 19 years later my dad has two beautiful daughters and I remain his only son. There is no doubt in my mind that God aligned our lives for a reason: me potentially not having a father and him potentially not having a son. Life is crazy like that.

The relationship I have with my dad is one of the primary reasons I’ve become the person I am today. He is also the reason why I have accomplished so much in such a short period of time. Whether it be all of the athletic awards, advice on how to manage time throughout college, advice on women, financial tips…his voice and opinion have always led me in the right direction.

It takes a different kind of man to do what he’s done for me. There were many moments when he could have walked away but he stepped into my life when I was a toddler, became my father, and never turned back, even when he and my mother separated. There were so many times throughout my life where I could’ve veered off into destructive and unproductive places like the others.

My environment is confusing like that. And while there are numerous opportunities to do something great with yourself, there are even more opportunities presented that can hurt you. This is where that guidance and discipline play a crucial role: decision-making. I can’t tell you how many times I decided NOT to do something, just because I knew that if I had done it, my dad would’ve been terribly disappointed.

I have the same amount of fear and respect for my mother - let’s not get it twisted – but a father’s confrontation and mother’s confrontation are two totally different things.

It’s not just about ethical decisions either. A lot of it also has to do with support. Both of my parents have rarely missed one of my games. They certainly had different roles though. My mom was certainly the more vocal one. It didn’t matter how many people were in the stands I always heard her voice.

Sometimes there would be thousands in attendance, especially at the games against our rival school, yet amidst the madness, I always heard her screaming intense and sometimes comical things at the top of her lungs. My dad, however, was the total opposite. He was my silent eyes in the sky. He’d just sit back and observe, and after the game tell me what I needed to improve.

I remember one game in particular when I thought I had a pretty solid day, four touchdowns and a ton of yards. While everyone else congratulated me on the performance, his immediate statement was, “Good job son, but you could’ve had 7.” That’s the perfect example of who he is, and the dynamics of our relationship.

He has always wanted the absolute best for me and has continually pushed me to be the best possible version of myself that I can be. He leads by example too, because he is constantly striving to improve as a husband, father, and person.

I’m convinced that having a loving, kind, demanding, and committed father as a role model is crucial across the board. I’m not saying that you must have one because many people grew up in a diverse array of family units and are tremendously successful. But I believe that you are one lucky person if you do. To receive advice from a good man throughout your life is priceless. I personally feel extremely fortunate. While I do not have a relationship with my biological dad, I am experiencing being raised by a man who continues to change my life for better.

I have always been grateful for what my father has done for me, but these days as I am preparing to graduate from college, I’ve come to realize just how much more thankful I should be. If it weren’t for him I might have ended up in the stands watching instead of on the field playing, honing my skills. I may have been hanging out on the corner instead of in my house, safe from trouble.

Throughout the years I’ve seen him evolve into an incredible human being and he’s helped mold me into a young man. Whenever people see us, they always say I’m a duplicate copy of him, just 20 years younger. I’d be lucky to become half the person he is one day –and if I am lucky, half the father. I do have confidence this will happen, however, because you know what they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Considering the path he’s been directing me towards…I doubt the apple will fall at all.