The Adventures of Lord Roman - Chapter 2: The Value of Fluff

The Adventures of Lord Roman - Chapter 2: The Value of Fluff

The scintillating adventure continues.

"Fuck!" screamed Lord Roman like a wounded baby seal, as he recoiled into the foetal position. He continued to scream like a sentient tomato with vocal capacity that had been squashed beneath the boot of a clumsy, drunk farmer, even after the five swishes of gold had quelled the hunger of the wolves by killing them. The hark, hark, hark of a huge crow resounded above Roman's unceasing whimpers and the snarling snouts retreated from the fiery clearing. Roman lashed out at the hand that touched his shoulder with the force of a sheet of paper in the wind.

"Calm down, Roman," said the oval wrapped in black, one fat arm protruding from the dark orb. The arm sunk into the black, before reemerging with a flask of water. Roman got most of it on his face. His mouth managed to collect a few refreshing droplets.

"Thank you stran-" said Roman, before he was dragged to his feet by the orb and whisked inside its cloak.

Roman could not see his own hand. The noise of the world was muffled and consisted only of his breathing and the rhythmic beating of something that made his stomach rise and fall. He dared not move, for what felt like the sweaty stomach of a rotund pig was mere centimetres away from his elbow. Whatever dark pit he was in, it smelled of hot sweat glazed in jasmine. This secondary aroma clearly attempted to veil the outstanding primary one. Perhaps it managed to when a nose was not in such close proximity to the source.

After a while, the darkness began to shoot colours across its infinite chessboard and the concept of time was no longer a concept. Roman felt weightless. His limbs were distant memories. The consistent beating noise became more and more like that of a heart. The thick, rounded chalk colours that marked themselves in arcs across indefinably distant darkness veered toward a more geometric, skeletal construction and soon vaguely swirling geodesic domes came into focus everywhere. In the centre of the polygon matrix was an extremely bright point of no colour that Roman recognised. His gaze was fixed and the longer he stared into it, the higher this wash of energy pushed upwards in, him, not his body, just everything.

A split second before his soul left his body to explore the realm of unseen colours, he was shoved out of the cloak and rolled onto cold concrete. He groaned and as his eyes focused, the giant, pale face of the clocktower loomed over him from the balcony. The only welcome aspect of his harsh new environment was the freshness of the air, which did well to flush the stank of sweat from his nose-pipes. A sweeter smell still flowered, when the end of a shisha pipe was held before him. He drifted up towards the wisps of smoke, seemingly without the help of his limbs, and plonked into a large-cushioned red chair, where he drew deeply on the bubbling pipe and released a slow, sweet cloud as large as the clocktower's face. Well, this makes a change from grovelling to those hungry, four-legged mongrels. He went went to draw again on the shisha, when a silky voice interrupted him.

"What drove you to Arfandol so late in the terrible night?"

Roman, only just made aware of his company, gasped like a small ape and dropped the shisha, which his compatriot picked up, wiped with a cloth and gave back to him. "Trempklin! I thought I recognised that bloody smell, you smelly bastard!" he shouted and held out his hand for a quick shake, "I never thought I'd rest so close to your bosom, for all the wealth of bosoms your patronage offers."

"So eloquent, my lord, as always," he said and passed him a small glass of clear, ruby liquid.

Roman waved his hand. "Oh, my dear friend," he said, missing the quick grimace that flashed over Trempklin's face, "I would very much like to wait a moment longer before entering that zone, if you'll excuse me."

"Of course, you must be shaken after the events of tonight."

"I tell you, Trempklin, boredom does drive a man to insanity," he drew again on the shisha and a cumulonimbus apparated from his mouth, "even with Publin's skill in the art of death, I should have known that the forest was too dangerous. Wait, Publin! What of him?"

"Probably dead, my lord."

Roman sank into his chair and a grieving moan squirmed out of his chest. He slammed his fist on the arm of the chair. Trempklin handed him the glass of ruby.

"No, Trempklin," Roman said, brushing it away again, "I am afraid the night's fiery carnage has left me too sombre for your delights. My actions have led to an innocent, well perhaps not innocent, but a close-friend's death."

"He was merely a servant."

"I'm not like most lords. He wasn't like most servants," he said, standing up, "Trempklin, I would simply like a room for the evening. Nothing more."

"But sir," he said, scrambling in his cloak for some other concoction that might loosen Roman's decisiveness.

"No. No. None of that. It's bed time," said Roman and Trempklin bowed, leading the way into the depths of the steaming clocktower. They delved downwards, spiralling past aromas of sweet, bubbling baths; the laughter of delighted humans; and writhing silhouettes. Unfortunately for Trempklin, none of the scenes stirred an interest in Roman.

At the door of his room, which was warm and fragranced, Trempklin asked to see his payment. Roman nodded and reached into his pockets. He pulled out some fluff and soil. He checked everywhere, but found only bits of twigs and leaves. Due to the lack of payment, another room was suggested. Roman was led down, down, down the spiralling clocktower to a large set of double doors. Two boulders of men grabbed him by the arms, opened the doors and chucked him onto the cobblestones, some of which gave a rough glint of moonlight.

"I risked my life for you this evening, Lord! And you arrive with nothing in return? Bah! The thieves can have you tonight," shrieked Trempklin. He disappeared into the darkness and the giant doors slammed shut. Roman sat on the stone steps, head in hands. For the second time that night, he returned to the foetal position. Just as he was about to curl up entirely, he heard the scampering of footsteps that sounded far colder than the night air.

Cover Image Credit: Shutterstock

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18 Times Kate Middleton Was Actually All Of Us In College, Beside The Princess Thing

Every girl has to go through her clueless college stage before she reaches Duchess status.

Kate Middleton is basically a household name by now, and how could this not be the case when she has the gorgeous hair, kind smile, and incredible fashion sense. With her constantly in the spotlight looking so put together, we sometimes forget that the Duchess was actually all of us in college!

Here are 18 times that Kate proved she was just like all of us.

1. Going all out in the name of school spirit

There is nothing like breaking out the war paint and screaming for your home team. Like Kate, we all love to get a little messy and make some memories with our friends.

2. Hanging out with the roomies

Some people may not get lucky in this area but for those who are best friends with their roommates, they understand the love. It's a dream come true for everyone who has always wanted to live with their best friends. It's like a sleepover that never ends.

3. Dressing up cute on the first day of school...

You got to make a good first impression on your way to school. Whether it's during your 7 A.M or 4 P.M., it's always best to dress to impress.

4. ...and wearing yoga pants for the rest of the year

And this goes all the way until the last week of school when you don't bother getting out of bed to wear pants at all.

5. Going grocery shopping and throwing in cookies, ice-cream, and every type of Pringles because your mom isn't there to say no

You'll probably regret that in a few months when the Freshman Fifteen kicks in.

6. Walking for miles from your car to your dorm carrying groceries

We can't park by the apartment for a solid five minutes to carry our groceries up to the kitchen or we will risk a ticket, but we can walk a few miles carrying food that gets heavier, and heavier, and heavier with every step.

7. Going out for a night on the town on a Friday night

Dancing, laughter, and fun? Everyone in college has been to a party or two. It's a classic part of the college experience. Sometimes you just need a distraction from all the essays and tests.

8. Being so late to class you threw on whatever your hands grabbed next

We've all been there. Our alarm doesn't go off, we press snooze a few too many times, or forget to even set an alarm and next thing you know we are running around the dorm room like Taz from Looney Toons. You throw on whatever, then run to class.

Unfortunately 9/10 times our outfits don't turn out. Although, Kate can certainly pull off this look, no matter how mismatched.

9. Pretending your walking to the same building as the cute boy you met so you have the excuse to keep talking to him

I am very guilty of doing this. Although I missed my class, at least I got to talk to the really cute boy who has class at 9:45 in the STEM building. It was worth it.

10. Sitting on the floor or standing because you're a poor college student who can't afford chairs or tables

Eating on the floor? Always. Being a college kid is tough and sometimes you have to sacrifice some things to obtain the others. Such as choosing chocolate milk and Halo Top over vegetables and hair conditioner.

Judging by Kate's beautiful locks, she chose the conditioner.

Probably the vegetables too.

We should just all follow her example.

11. Going on cute date with the boy you followed to class-turned-boyfriend

Now my short-lived romance may not have extended farther than us talking and walking to his class, but Kate and William obviously had a better ending. Nevertheless, college is the place to grow and date and possibly find the one.

12. Keeping your hair long and growing because you can't afford to get it cut

Don't trust your roommate. No matter how many times she begs you to let her cut it. Don't.

13. Turning 21 and getting dressed up and going out with your best friends

While this one probably doesn't apply to Kate, since you can drink at age 18 in most countries, all my people in the United States know the sweet freedom of turning 21. It's an iconic time in a students life and marks a huge milestone as well.

14. Passing out flyers for some type of movement or protest

Everyone wants to be a part of something bigger - which is why college is the time to stand up for what you believe in. May that be RedforEd, Planned Parenthood, anti-Abortion, Trump, the Wall, pizza bagels, it's all an exercise of the first amendment.

15. Ranting to your friends about the professor that just "doesn't understand you"

You know your thinking about that professor right now as you read this. And you know that that's your reaction whenever they give you a bad grade or say something you disagree with at the tiniest degree.

16. Getting glammed-up for those senior photos

Pick out your best outfit and make sure it's a good hair day because everyone will be viewing these photos forever... and in Kate's place that is more than true. Luckily she looks as gorgeous as ever. Does she ever have a bad hair day?

17. Walking out of your last class knowing you'll never have to write a single paper again

And purposefully not thinking about how you will be going into the real world in less than a few days.

18. When you've graduated and realized you have no idea what you're going to do with your life

Maybe a prince will be right around the corner to sweep you off your feet so you won't have to figure your life out.
Cover Image Credit: Laura Warshauer

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20 Amazing Songs You Need For Your Travel Music Videos

Planning to make your new travel video? Use one of these songs as your perfect background music!


Based on the mood you're currently feeling, here are 20 different songs categorized by when you should use them for a traveling music video:

1. For Those Classic Summer Feels

"Harvest Moon" by Poolside

"Gone" by JR JR

"Hold My Hand" by Jess Glynne

"Summer" by Calvin Harris

For all the lake adventures and mission trips, these are the perfect songs to put behind them to share your experience. Using these songs, your video can have a perfect summer vibe to it!

2. For A Good Winter Vacation

"The Days" by Avicii

"Something Just Like This" by The Chainsmokers

"Roses" by The Chainsmokers

"It Ain't Me" by Kygo ft. Selena Gomez

It's hard finding a perfect song for a cold winter day. These songs can work amazingly to any snowy adventurous video you've made for your winter break.

3. For Everyday Adventures

"Shut Up and Dance" by WALK THE MOON

"To Let Myself Go" by The Avener

"All That Matters" by Justin Bieber

"Youth" by Troye Sivan

We all have our daily vlogs filled with school and friends. These songs can put a touch of amusement and thrill to these videos!

4. For The Perfect Spring Break At The Beach

"Steal My Girl" by One Direction

"The Nights" by Avicii

"Runaways" by Galantis

"Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen

Every girl has the perfect week at the beach once a year! These songs can show off how incredible your experience with your friends was.

5. For Those City Nights

"Bullet Train" by Stephen Swartz

"Love You Like A Love Song" by Selena Gomez

"G.O.M.D." by J. Cole

"The Heart Wants What It Wants" by Selena Gomez

We all take visits to the city and never have the right songs to make a video with. These upbeat songs will make your city vlog into a perfect travel video!

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