To the Aching Heart…
Why your heart aches I don’t know. Usually it’s a breakup thing, and you thought they were all in just like you. Sometimes it worse, the one you loved died or was otherwise removed because of errant circumstance. In a nut shell, you hurt because they are no longer with you. The place you gave them in your heart is now empty, and that place is sucking wind and dragging you into despair. It’s an incredible miserable bleak place, and there seems to be no easing it. Either time heals the wound, or the darkness tears you down into it wallowing in pain.
I guess this is an attempt at consolation or comfort for others, trying to let someone else in my situation know that they are not alone, as well as reassuring myself that I am not either. It’s been way to long since my own ordeal to still feel this way, at least in my mind.
I don’t think of her every day, but most. She made me feel like the sun would never go down, but if it did, she would make light to replace it in her own way. I could walk straight through bullets it seemed just to hear her voice, see her smile. I was on her time alone. In those days no one else really got my attention at all.
But this article isn’t about her, it’s about you, my reader.
I want you to know that whoever made you feel like she made me feel but somehow left you dry inside is not the end. This is where you get strong. Yes, your heart is an enormously valuable thing, and the way it feels right now does not in the least reflect its worth. It may have been weeks, months, or years since the loss and you still feel the hurt. That great pain actually does reflect the size of the love you held for them, and likely still do. If you pain seems beyond compare, it is because you loved them beyond compare. You gave away pieces of yourself for free. That is called intimacy, the place where you were fully known and you were fully loved.
But again, they left, perhaps of your own mistake, perhaps not, but nonetheless they left. This is not the end. This is where you get strong. The desire of every heart at its basest is intimacy, being fully known, fully loved. You were in that, and it was as amazing as you remember, but now you’re not in it. Now is struggle, now is strife, now is daily grit, to get up and pretend you care about the menial bits of life. To gather any bit of fortitude, or endurance, you have to face something crappy. Really, nature shows us this so well in the physical, with things like training for strength, speed, or skill. To become stronger you simply must do something you have never done before. When we ask for strength, we really ask for situations where we must exhibit strength. When we ask for patience, we really ask for situations where we must be patient.
So in regard to our situation reader, we are in a struggle, a healing process. The thing is, in this situation, we did not seek to become stronger, but we are in it now, and we will prevail or die. The end of this healing is wisdom, but do let it play its course. Do not cut out early into a crutch relationship that attempts to stop the bleeding but only prolongs it.
The way you feel will not last forever, there is hope, because you are worth more than gold in your Father’s eyes. You don’t need that person to persist and thrive in this life. The aching shows strength in you already, because you were capable of love, and attachment that can create this kind of pain. People like me, which wish for things to be as they were know they never will be are everywhere, you are so not alone. I wish I were there, to tell you about the way I feel, and comfort you. I should be there, you are worth my time. Remember, this aching shows you were capable of love, and being capable shows you are as worthy as can be, not at all the way you feel.
