The 7 Stages of Moving Out

Stage 1

You have just graduated high school, and are getting asked lots of questions about college. Being a high schooler can no longer be part of your identity, so you buy several boxes of La Croix, in hopes that somehow it will guide you into adulthood. It does not, so now you are just obsessed with bad sparkling water.

Stage 2

Summer is here, and you have enjoyed neglecting all responsibility. You download Pinterest, which you will regret later. At one point you are so bored that you actually miss crying over the essay that is due at 11:59 pm. Then you remember you are going to college.

Stage 3

You go to the store to buy milk and notice that the mugs are on sale. You instantly remember your Pinterest boards. You then play a game called how-much-chocolate-and-room-decor-can you-fit-in-your-cart -without-getting-pitiful-looks-from-the-target-cashier. You will debate spending $20 on a hello kitty brush. You will end up buying it. You reassure yourself you can get the other things later, because you still have a month to buy everything.

Stage 4

You wake up and it is a week before move in day. You panic but then collect yourself, as you have already bought essentials like strawberry body wash and assorted paperclips.Then you panic again, because you thought strawberry body wash and assorted paperclips were essentials.

Stage 5

You realize that you haven't properly said goodbye to some of your friends. This is an emergency. You decide the best way to do this is through Walmart chocolate. Somewhere around 8pm you remember you still haven't actually packed anything yet. Your procrastination never fails you.

Stage 6

Your family warns you that fitting your life into boxes cannot be done at 4am. You are determined to prove them wrong.You have indie music and energy drinks. This will not be the last time that you neglect to prioritize sleep.

Stage 7

It seems like you will not be living the minimalist lifestyle you imagined as you study the trunk the next morning. When you finally arrive to campus, you almost dislocate your shoulder as you try to yank the suitcase wedged between the seats. You almost do again while trying to unlock your door. When you finally get it open, you are greeted by stale, 4th floor dorm room air. This is the air of champions. You are officially moving out; ready to conquer any obstacle, whether it be 3000 word essays or lukewarm ramen.