1. The Know-It-All
We all have that one friend that knows absolutely everything about sports. From the batting average of every player on the New York Yankees to the third-string point guard on the Sacramento Kings, the number of touchdowns Ladainian Tomlinson had in '05 to the last player selected in the NHL draft, this person is basically a walking encyclopedia of sports knowledge. They're the type of person to recite player stats to you during pre-game warmups and flash their phone in front of your face every time they get an MLB update. When they're not scrolling through Bleacher Report or ESPN, they can typically be found googling the career stats of retired players for fun.
Most likely to: spend four hours manually updating the Madden rosters and ratings so that the game feels "real".
2. The Screamer
This is the friend that's likely to pick a fight with the guy sitting in front of you. When his team is winning, he's cursing his head off at the other team and taunting the opposing fans in his section. When his team is losing, he's criticizing the players and the refs, arguing that he could do a better job with his eyes closed. You're not sure if it's the alcohol or perhaps some deep-seeded anger issues, but it's hard to go five minutes without this friend going red in the face. They've been thrown out of more sporting events than you can count, and parents have often had to move their seats in order to prevent their children from hearing the garbage spewing from their mouth.
Most likely to: be ejected from his son's little league game for punching another dad in the face.
3. The Front-Runner
Everyone's favorite sports fan. This is the kid that picks whatever team is doing the best and claims that he's been a fan "since the beginning". In addition to buying the apparel of his "favorite teams", he also sports knock-off jerseys of every other quality player in the sport, citing the fact that he's "a fan of the player, not the team" when questioned. His favorite athletes include LeBron James, Mike Trout, Sydney Crosby, and Tom Brady, and he'll be sure to let you know that, in his personal opinion, they're the best players in the game, hands down. This person will also constantly bring up facts and stats about their "favorite teams" so that there's absolutely no question that they've been a huge fan since day one.
Most likely to: tell you that he's been a fan of Steph Curry since his college days.
4. The Fantasy Guy
Those of you that play fantasy sports have all had someone like this in your league. This is the friend that doesn't know much about the sport but agrees to join your fantasy league because you need an extra guy. While you're busy plotting your complex draft strategy, he simply picks based on expert projections. You laugh it off at first, but by season's end it's not so funny anymore, especially since this friend is suddenly 11-1 and you're fighting for a playoff spot. Suddenly, this friend is all about the sport, watching every game to make sure that his players are doing well and to scout his next waiver-wire target. This friend inevitably wins the league, and you find yourself questioning your manhood.
Most likely to: stash backups on his bench, citing their "immense potential".
5. The Die-Hard
This guy is nuts. This is the friend that would sooner let you drown than miss even a minute of the Jets vs. Pats game. In addition to constantly wearing the same beer-and-wing-stained sweatshirt and matching hat, their entire bedroom is covered with enough posters and pennants to warrant a "fire hazard" sign. This friend would rather chop off his middle finger than part with any of his signed memorabilia, and you're convinced that the sight of court-side seats to a Brooklyn Nets game would bring him to tears. They're likely to have spent half of their life's savings on season tickets, and if you interrupt them while they're watching a playoff game you'll almost definitely receive a kick to the jugular.
Most likely to: force their spouse into a New York Mets-themed wedding.
