Dr. Gary Chapman, a Christian author of "The Five Love Languages", says that the way to a healthy relationship is by expressing love in ways that your spouse can understand. Going beyond the scope of just saying “I love you,” Dr. Chapman reveals effective ways of communicating. These ways are guaranteed to make your relationships stronger and longer. To precede Valentine’s Day, this article reveals the five emotional love languages that could describe you or your spouse. Whether it be husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend there’s a language for everyone.
Video Courtesy of The Five Love Languages
Chapman’s Five Love Languages
Words of Affirmation: This language uses words to affirm other people.
Dr. Chapman’s describes words of affirmation as verbally telling your mate positive things that are sure to enhance their confidence. In fact, actions do little for them, sometimes it’s best to convey your love with words, especially if your mate doesn’t read intentions well. Hearing the words “I love you” and other positive things builds their spirit up. So compliment them, trust us it will go a long way.
Acts of Service: This language uses actions to affirm other people.
Now this is the complete opposite of words of affirmation. In fact, acts of service say that you have to put some actions behind your words. These people do actions that can ease their significant other's burdens—like taking out the trash, helping them with bills, and cleaning up after yourself— this goes a long way and shows them just how much you love them especially when you don’t have an obligation. Doing these tiny deeds out of the kindness of your heart makes all the difference. Dr. Chapman, says that laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for your mate shows them that you could care less about them.
Receiving Gifts: This language, for some people, says love is behind gifts.
Now I have to admit this is my least favorite language because you shouldn’t base relationships off of material things. However, I understand that some people value the little things like chocolate, flowers, and love letters. But there are also those that value the big things like jewelry, clothes, houses, and cars. I don’t specifically believe that material things lead to strong relationships because if the ability to give gifts (e.g., funds) is gone then how will you be able to express your love towards your significant other whose love language is receiving gifts. However, I am not discrediting Dr. Chapman’s work that says that receiving gifts is not to be confused with materialism because the receiver thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. So the gifts doesn't have to be expensive, in fact, the gift could be priceless. The absence of gifts, however, cause your mate to feel unloved and neglected.
Quality Time: This language says that being present and attentive is enough for people.
Nothing says a big “I love you” to people whose language is quality time like your undivided attention. Being present is a big thing for this type of mate. So, put your phone down and turn the television off because your mate’s biggest turn on is that you hang on their every word. In fact, they drop clues to see if you’re even listening, so don’t contribute to the conversation with a bunch of misplaced “uh huh’s” and “oh really’s”. Take your mate out. Spending one-on-one time with them lets them know that you like to be in their presence and value what they like to do and say.
Physical Touch: This language says that appropriate touch works as a sign of love.
A person whose language is physical touch sees love in the simplest things like holding hands, hugging, and pats on the back. Dr. Chapman reports that appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to your mate. However, this language is not to be confused with physical abuse.
That concludes the five emotional love languages. But, before you go take the love language assessment and find out what your love language(s) is/are. They have one for couples and singles.
Top three things to think about: (1) Observe how often you express love to others. (2) What do you complain about most often? (3) What do you request of others most often?
