Louis Vuitton bags, spontaneous trips to California, North Carolina, Texas, and maybe even Cancun, new laptops, new cars, new makeup, a whole new wardrobe. All of this obtained before hitting twenty years old. Damn, doesn’t that sound too good to be true?
I have a friend that's been on a baller budget recently. She would just give me money--fifty to one hundred dollars at a time, or pay for my nails. I mean I worked full time as well, but she was clearly getting paid better than I was. I never really questioned what she did to get all this money, because whenever I’d reach out to her she’d always be working.
After a while, I realized college students couldn’t afford the luxurious lifestyle she was living, even if they did overtime every week. I spoke up about it, asked her how she managed her money. She looked hesitant at first as if she didn’t want to reveal her secret. Come on now, I just want to know how you’re able to do this because I’m awful at managing my money.
She just stood there staring at me, and then she finally revealed her secret. She looked me in the eyes and told me something that hasn’t even crossed my mind.
“I’m a sugar baby on the side.” She said.
A what?! Sugar baby? She was a sugar baby, she is a sugar baby. I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. One of my friends had sugar daddies, paying for her trips, her food, her everything.
My jaw locked; I didn’t know how to respond. I just sat there staring at her. I waited until she cracked a smile and told me she was joking, but it never happened. Instead, she told me all the details of what she called the “sugar baby life” she’s been living.
It started with an app called Seeking Arrangements , which she would later refer to as “SA”. You download this app and put information about yourself in, under a fake name. Sugar babies often put in physical features and a short biography about themselves. Sugar daddy profiles are more about their personality and net worth. The app is run, almost like tinder, but on SA you don’t have to match with someone to message them--a sugar daddy will reach out to you, and ask you to go on a date, referred to as a POT.
A POT is almost like a first date. A potential Sugar Daddy. This is a guy you haven’t met in person yet, but he is someone you’re seriously considering an arrangement with. You may have been on a date with him, but nothing solid has been established. The POT is basically the terms and agreement date, hang out, buy food, and talk about your expectations, and your limits. If the sugar daddy is comfortable with what you’re giving and taking he can choose to continue the relationship. The most important thing is to always know that even though the sugar daddy is in control of the money, the sugar baby is in control of the relationship.
She told me it’s usually better when a sugar daddy reaches out to you because then you have more leverage, rather than looking needy and reaching out to them.
I asked her about her limits, I know it’s a little personal but can you blame me?! Dinner dates. That’s it?! All she did was have these rich men fly her out, take her out to eat, and pay her anywhere from $500 - $1000 for her time. She told me how she had to hang out with someone for the weekend and received over $1000. All I could think about was Pretty Woman, the movie.
Being a psychology major, I almost feel bad for these sugar daddies. I know, I sound crazy, I should probably see a psychologist myself, but hear me out. Imagine having so much money, but being so lonely you must pay someone money to hang out with you. To have dinner with you, someone you can talk to. I feel for these men. Some do it because they just want a pretty date occasionally, with no strings attached, but I just feel like there’s an underlying issue.
I told her she should refer them to a psychologist, because they’re craving a specific type of human interaction that they’re willing to go as far as they can for. I worry for her, because although it might seem simple it’s not. The inner mom in me made her share her location indefinitely so I always know where she is. Where she was the last time her phone was on. I can’t stop her from doing what she’s doing, but I can make sure she’s safe.
She’s still doing her thing--school work, and her side sugar baby hustle, and I’m still here in stock.
