So, here you are sitting in your discussion section for another boring general education class that you want to get up and walk out of, and, oh! Yay! You’ve just been assigned another, group project. Ugh.
The people your TA assigned to be in your group are so not your kind of people and being forced to socially interact with them at 8 a.m. on a Monday morning is really quite depressing.
We have all encountered a group project at some point in our college career, and more likely than not, we’ve all had the same issues. Who better to express these struggles than the one and only, Ron Swanson, the ultimate antisocial, people-hater who we all know and love.
1. The Introduction
First comes the awkward introductions and exchanging of contact information. You’re not really sure what to say for that always required “fun fact.” To make it clear to everyone that you really don’t want to be here, you come up with something like, “Hi, I’m Ron, and …
2. Choosing a Topic
It comes time to meet outside of class with your group. You find a private study room in the library, sit down at the table and so the hardest part of every project begins. What should you do the project on? It’s quiet around the table until someone spits out the first idea of the day. And, oh my god, it is so blatantly horrible. It might be the worst idea you’ve ever heard. You try so hard to come up with a nice, sincere way to turn this idea down, but all that can come out of your mouth is ...
3. Giving Quality Input
You list off a few ideas, but nobody seems to feel like giving any of their own input. You keep talking, filling in the awkward silence with “uhhh” and “ummm,” but, still, no dice. Trying to get the others to share their ideas is like pulling teeth …
4. Trying to Care
It’s been a long couple of minutes when finally other group members start making suggestions. At first you're happy about the progress, but the list of ideas keeps growing and growing and eventually you get tired of listening. You gotta finish this up if there's any chance of you making it to Huskies before 10 p.m. So for the sake of time, you say …
And when someone asks you about it at the bar?
5. The Squabble
Okay, you picked a decent topic and have an idea of how the rest of the project will turn out. Planning? Check. But, now you guys have to actually do the project. To make it easy, every one in the group is assigned a specific portion of the project to complete. Except, when one group member get’s the easiest part, it immediately sets off another group member. The inevitable bickering begins, worsening your already present headache, and you’re just like …
6. The Talker
As soon as you create small talk, you instantly regret it. Its hard to get her to stop. Before you know it she’s telling you her whole life’s story. You don’t want to be mean, but you gotta get this done so you can go eat those leftovers that have been calling your name since you got out of bed this morning. And let’s face it, you’re not the slightest bit interested about how she has to go home for her mom’s birthday, but she has to study for her exam, and her boyfriend got jealous at last night’s party and blah, blah, blah. You try to make it look like you’re listening, but you can't help but space out.
And, well, the truth is …
6. The Slacker
There’s always that one group member. At the next group meeting he strolls in a half hour late with a large cup of Dunkin Donuts and a fresh burrito from the Union. He obviously didn’t do his portion of the assignment. He had time to wait 30 minutes for a coffee and another 30 minutes for a burrito, but he couldn’t sit down and spend an hour on the project that’s due in three days? Nah, no worries everyone. He’ll have it done by tomorrow’s meeting. You’re just about ready too …
But, he apologizes and lists off a few, obviously invalid, excuses. You’re too tired to care enough so you just let him off the hook for now and move on.
7. The Try-Hard
The kid in your group who suggests writing a speech, making a PowerPoint, making a poster and making cookies to hand out the day of your presentation? Relax. It's just another project. Quite frankly, I don't think anybody in the class, including the TA, would be interested in sitting through a three hour presentation filled with unnecessary details. And you sure as hell wouldn't want to take part in that. Short, sweet and to the point is sure to get you an A.
8. The Group Message
Even though you've come so far with this project, and overcome so many obstacles, the worst part of the entire experience was your phone going off every 30 seconds. The second you were added into this group text you knew you would regret it. At this point you would rather get rid of your phone entirely, than have to read these dumb conversations.
9. Presentation Day
Alright, it's been a few weeks since you've been assigned this project and through all the ups and downs the day has finally come. You and your group are about to kill this presentation and the professor is going to love it. With confidence, you and your group stand up and give it your all.
10. The End
At the end of the day, even though you got stuck with an ... interesting group of people, you guys managed to get the job done. You turned the slacker into, well, a little less of a slacker. You made the try-hard settle down and the talker shut up. Even if you don't want to admit it, you guys made an alright team that somehow managed to get an A on this agonizing project. You did it, you made it through.
And fellow group members ...
