My inspiration for this article came to me while I was away chaperoning a camp last week, and soon I would realize that it was one of the hardest weeks of my life. Not because of the work I had to do, but because I was ridiculously deprived of both caffeine and sleep. The cruelest part of it all was that we could actually see Dunkin' Donuts from the dorm that we were staying at. The only thing between us and some large iced coffees was a major highway and about 300 kids that we had to monitor. For a basic suburban girl such as myself, it was hell on earth. So based on my experiences, here are the 10 Stages of Being Deprived of Dunkin'.
1. At first you are OK with it. You think to yourself, "It won't be too bad, I can totally survive on cafeteria coffee for a week."
2. Shortly after, you begin to wonder what the hell you were thinking, and that if you don't get a hazelnut coffee in you soon, you might explode.
3. Now, you start to get tired and cranky. It's getting harder and harder to actually deal with people, and you're beginning to take your aggression out on others.
4. You finally get your fix of crappy, decaf coffee. It tastes like trash, but you suck it up and chug, like any Saturday night at school. Also, you have this crazy idea that if you drink four cups, it'll curb your cravings for more than a half hour.
5. A short half hour later, you get ridiculously tired and a crippling stomach ache. You begin to question your sanity.
6. This is the stage I like to call, the second wind. You hit a point of such exhaustion and desperation for coffee that you literally go crazy and act like you are on about 16 and a half different narcotics.
7. Shortly after the second wind, you hit a wall and continue to live in a depressing, Dunkin' free world. Crying may or may not occur.
8. Now, mass hysteria breaks out. Tears are guaranteed, along with three cat-fights and thoughts of jumping in front of the next car that passes in hopes that they'll buy you pity Dunkin'.
10. Finally, a coffee angel is sent from the big Dunkin' upstairs and you're saved. The addiction has been fed. Life can return to normal. You realize that you will live to see another day and simultaneously, "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton plays in the background.
