Recently, I was discussing life and all it entails with a close friend. We discussed people and our opinions of decisions they had made (which is considered wrong in some circles, but we're all guilty of it to some extent). Anyway, we deliberated and talked about these people. This friend mentioned how someone had used the excuse of "That's just how they are" to defend someone they knew had wronged this friend. I was puzzled about the phrase, questioning its validity. This led me to consider that phrase as a whole, as I've heard it too many times. I concluded that using this phrase is detrimental to relationships and is harmful in the grand scheme of things.
When someone says "That's just how they are", they could be using it in several contexts, some positive and some negative. It could be about out of the ordinary quirks someone possesses, but you love them even more for it. This context is fine and dandy and is adorable in my objective eyes.
But I despise it in the negative context, used to describe someone who wrongs others, but since they have a history of it, they get a pass each time they do it. I've heard it attributed to many people, such as the case previously mentioned. I've seen several friends fight pain caused by those they call friends who behave in the exact opposite ways, and they justify it all with "That's just how they are". I'm sick of it.
We, as caring and kind individuals (and basic humans) should hold others to the same standards that we hold ourselves to. This doesn't mean to be unfriendly or rude if someone does something you couldn't see yourself doing. But if they cause a certain distress or emotional pain, having wronged you in some way, you shouldn't feel obligated to defend their actions to others. Because that gives the wrongdoers multitudes of opportunities to continue wronging you. And they will continue.
These wrongdoers could be our friends, and it can be scary feeling like you're having to stand up to them. But if it's a repeated problem, they clearly aren't considerate of you or how you feel about the problem. So don't let it be a problem and quell it however you can.
These excusable individuals often give this excuse to defend themselves as well. I can bet that you, the reader, have heard a not so lovable individual say "I'm just like that". The same rules apply here, and even more, if someone thinks their repeated actions are excusable. It's annoying to think about once considered, at least I hope others can see it that way. If I'm correct in this assumption (I've been wrong before), then why do we constantly allow others to use this phrase, in both referential styles? It's lazy and inconsiderate to all parties involved. It means that we are passive enough to give in to what it entails, and don't consider ourselves worthy enough to demand a true answer. And this will simply not do.
I'd suggest we destroy the phrase, but that sort of thing takes a long time. So, I implore you, as the reader, to watch and consider when you say it or when someone else does. Consider that we should hold others accountable for hurtful behavior, in the same manner that we hold ourselves. You might be the change for something good.
