We used to spend all our time together. We said we were best friends. We said it was a friendship that would last forever. From late nights to trips for ice cream we did everything together, we were inseparable. Then I didn't see they way you used me, but looking back at it now, I see how I was never truly your friend. Turns out you just needed someone to get you out of trouble.
All the times you ditched me to hang out with some boy, the times you had me cover for you so your parents didn't know what you were really doing, I never realized what you were really doing. I was a good kid with good grades. I went to church every Sunday and took advanced classes. I was the perfect person to be your "best" friend. It was easy to use me because I was innocent, I didn't know how cruel people could be. It was easy to corrupt me because I was young and I didn't know better, but to trust you. I went along with everything you said and did because I cared, you were my best friend, my sister, but I wasn't yours.
All the times I got in trouble, all the times I talked to boys who used me, boys I had never even met was because you introduced them to me. You always wanted me to date someone who was friends with who you were dating. You pressured me into relationships I never wanted. I let boys lie to me, use me, and break my heart because I trusted you. I always had your back and I thought you had mine.
I told you everything always. I thought secrets between us were safe. I guess it didn't matter if things were a secret because you needed something new to gossip about and my life was the best story you had. The things you pressured me into made you seem better, made you feel better. By hurting me, you boosted your own self esteem. By getting me to lie to my parents and do things I would never have done myself, you made yourself feel like maybe you weren't so bad. You wanted someone to be as bad as you, so you used me to create a monster. You used me to benefit yourself, to lift yourself from your own self hate.
I don't blame you. We all have the desire to see ourselves in a good light. I should have been smarter, less trusting. My mom never trusted you and she always told me to watch out. My mom always warned me that people would use me if I gave them the chance. I could have walked away anytime, I could have told you no, I could have done a thousand things differently, but I didn't. I could have made friends with a thousand different people. I could have stayed in, I could have done anything, but I didn't. I forgive you, and I forgive me. There is no point holding on to the past, even past mistakes.
