Thanks For The Invite, But I'm Not Coming To Your Wedding

Disclaimer: I'm triggered. I also have not been invited to attend a wedding ceremony since 2007. The last wedding ceremony I attended was in 2016 after being offered to be a musician at that wedding. I was lucky enough to be allowed by the bride and groom to join in on the feast even though I was never formally invited to the ceremony. Anyway...

Congratulations on your engagement. Congratulations on your wedding announcement.

Thanks for the invite, but I'm not coming to your wedding.

I don't feel like I belong there when almost every other person there that is my age is coupled up with someone else.

I don't have much of a purpose to be there. I feel like I would belong if I had a significant other to join me. There's no point in feeling the shame of being single when they call up all the single men to receive the bouquet/garter toss from the bride. I also don't feel like it's appropriate to participate in a dance that is designed for couples as part of the wedding festivities. This isn't about me. Your wedding is not a moment for me to get someone's attention or to try to win something or win someone over. Your wedding is not a time for me to get embarrassed or embarrass myself in front of all your other friends and family in attendance. It will never and should never be about me.

There's pressure that comes with the actual pursuit of that special someone just like you two have successfully done. People closest to me want me to do it. They want it for themselves. But do I want to do it for them? No I don't. I want to do that for myself. Not for them. What if I fail? They blame me. And that only adds to the misery of dealing with those people.

It's not my fault that I did as was asked of me. It only damages any chances in the future because most (if not all) girls stick together in spades and they take note of what they see. So, no, I'm not going to do that in order to feel like I belong at your wedding. It's also not right to randomly ask a girl I know (even if she is the best female friend I have) to be my wedding date. It doesn't work that way. Also, it makes me look desperate, even if she agrees to come along. Girls pick up on this behavior like opposites attract on magnets.

Desperate people are so notoriously obvious in what they do. And everyone in the room will notice it. And they'll think why those people are in the room. It only makes desperate people feel more guilt. It only makes them look more desperate. And more unattractive. And... it makes them stay single.

Needless to say, being at a wedding as a single person makes me feel desperate and I'm not comfortable with that idea. So I'd rather not be that guy. My faith tells me also not to pursue it (Genesis 2), let alone at your wedding. I'm not going to succumb to the pressure that attending a wedding builds inside of me. The last time I attended a wedding, I essentially was asked when my time is coming. How would you feel if you were asked that very question?

I don't care if you think I'm an attractive single person at your wedding. I'd rather be that attractive single person that isn't at your wedding. Because I don't feel like I belong there when every other person there that is my age is coupled up with someone else. And it's not comfortable having to answer a question about my marital status when I'm at a wedding.

I'd rather do something that makes me happy and fill my time with whatever that activity is. And making a potential mockery out of myself at your wedding doesn't make me happy in the slightest.