Marriage, it's been something that has been talked about ever since we were young children, especially girls. In society, the life of a woman is leading up to meeting the "perfect" man and getting married. Marriage is the final destination for a woman, having children, and living happily ever after. I don't necessarily believe in "happily ever after" or the "perfect" man in life because it doesn't exist.
This is probably the pessimist in me jumping out and proclaiming my truth because life isn't perfect and I just don't want to believe in something that isn't real. Alright, let me explain myself about reasons I don't want to get married before everyone thinks I'm against love. I'm not against love and falling in love, I think love is a beautiful thing. Falling in love, being in love, finding someone to love is something I hope for.
I think everyone is scared of love and what it pertains to, but that's normal, everyone is scared of that. The one thing that I'm not scared of and don't want in life is to be married, why is that you may ask? I don't think there was a specific time in my young life when I remembered the certainty of not getting married. The issue I struggle with is a commitment, the idea of commitment to one person forever isn't something I'm interested in.
Ever since I was young, committing to different things was never my "thing" as an individual. Reading that out loud sounds incredibly weird, but I never could commit to playing an instrument, sports, and activities. It either became too boring or when everything became too hard, I would just quit. Quitting those types of things are easy, while they are commitments, they aren't intense commitments like marriage.
Quitting a marriage isn't an easy thing to do, you obviously can't return the supplies from it and act like it never happened. You're promising someone "till death do us apart" and dedicating a day to this person. Not to be incredibly surface level, but I enjoy weddings, I love weddings because those days are always so happy and everyone is filled with joy. I'm worried about making a promise with an individual that I won't be able to keep.
I don't want to make a promise in my life that I won't be able to keep up with an individual if I'm making a commitment I want to keep it. I think I'm worried about disappointment and heartbreak. Giving it all to one person and it never working out, committing your time and life while watching it all fall apart. Now, that's not what I want to happen, so, for the time being, I'll be avoiding the topic of marriage.
I think I've realized that I'm scared of commitment and of marriage. I think I'm too young to start thinking about marriage and only being 20, a little too young to start it. One day, in the far, far future, I'll find someone that'll change my mind about marriage and my thoughts about it. It might be in two years, five years, or even ten years until my thoughts potentially change. I don't oppose it, but it isn't for me at the moment, so please don't think I'm a complete hater of marriage.