After meeting up for my umpteenth date with dead-end #1404, I started to think to myself that I was doing something wrong. I mean, I’m like partially appealing in a dress and I didn’t forget my Spanx at home. I even ordered water pretending I actually give two flapjacks about being healthy. Still, I felt like something was off. It didn’t seem right and I felt uneasy and disappointed. But it wasn’t until I stepped back and took a moment; I realized that I had a big problem. The men I was going out with. Shocking right? To think that the girl isn’t shallow and the problem is actually the guy? Crazy ideas here! I last went out with a guy who made drinking dirty mop water sound like a party compared to the conversation we had about relationship dynamics. Long story short, we don’t talk anymore. Sure we talked about buying a big home, and nice car, and having a nice job. There was just one tiny problem; he assumed I wanted him in the picture. Explaining that I firmly stand by the idea of building my own empire and sharing it with someone drove him on the “American Dream- Good-Ole’-Days” speech. After sitting there for an hour listening to “a man’s job is this” and “a man should take care of the family”, I realized one thing. I’m so over this 1900’s, damsel in distress, bull sh**
>So this is my piece of advice for the future Mr. Crazy Enough To Marry Liz.
First, let’s make this point known; I am not “Anti-Men”. I am not a “Hateful-anti-man-#girlsruleboysdrool” type of woman, but truth is, my experience has shown that it may be a little tougher to fall in love when you’re real quick to stand your ground and push “Prince Charming” away. I’m not unreasonable, I just don’t need saving. I would love to meet Mr. Perfect and settle down on a farm out in the middle of nowhere, but before I can do that, I have to find someone who appreciates a smart mouth with a independence complex.
Second, I am not a fragile. I once met a guy that assumed that ALL women were fragile. I’m sorry, but it took every fiber of my “fragile” being to not punch him in his “fragile” face. Women are strong. Women are mothers; they are the bringers of life. Think about that for a second. Now tell me what’s fragile about pushing a 8lb. infant out of your body? Tell me what’s fragile about breast feeding a screaming baby at 4am? Tell me what’s fragile about enduring 16 hours of labor and watching your body morph from the size 6 it was to the now size 10 and stretch marked memorial of bringing that beautiful bundle of joy that graces your Instagram newsfeed every week? I am not fragile. Like the women before and after me, I do not break under pressure. I do not bend under bad conditions. I don’t need you to caudle me and make me feel like everything I say is right. I’m wrong more than 90% of the time. I’m stubborn and hardheaded. Tell me like it is. Tell me I’m wrong. Don’t tip-toe around my emotions because you think I “can’t handle the truth”. If you’re unhappy, leave. If you love me, tell me. I’m a big girl and I can handle myself.
Next, I am nobody’s princess. My regards to Mr. Disney, but I don’t need a hero this time. After falling flat on my face last summer, I learned that the only person I had to blame was myself for thinking that I didn’t have the knowledge and strength to do it all on my own. I let myself down. I love watching Disney movies with my little sisters and talking about how beautiful the princesses are. But, I would never want them to be seen like they need a prince to come rescue them from a tower. I am not a princess. I am your equal. I am independent. I don’t have to walk around with a tiara on my head and wear a fancy gown to know that I should mean more to you. I don’t want you to “baby” me or act like you owe me something. You don’t. Instead, treat me like you care and understand that I can work just as hard. I can do whatever I want to do if I set my mind to it. Support me. Don’t belittle my ability to be better than I was before. Don’t belittle my ability to take care of myself. And don’t ever act like I need you in order to succeed. We may choose to be together, but don’t forget that it is not a requirement.
Lastly, I know my worth. I’m worth more than sitting at home at night when you’re out drinking with your buddies. I am worth more than being left behind. I am worth more than being told I’m not “pretty” because I wear my hair in a hat with no make-up and go to work every day. I am worth more than being told I’m not “allowed” to dress a certain way. I’m a bigger girl. If you aren’t happy with my body size or the fact I have ginger hair, bye. If you think I shouldn’t wear dresses because I’m “too big” for them, bye. If you think that you need to gawk at some other woman because I’m “letting myself go”, bye. I don’t need you. I’ve been there, done that, and I can honestly say that’s one movie that won’t get a sequel. I’m worth so much more than I was made out to be before. So before you think for even a minute that I’m willing to change myself for you, you should just leave. I am me. I’m chubby, optimistic, and the friendliest person you’ll ever meet. I don’t need you to validate me. You chose me for a reason, and I’d hope that reason was because you admired my worth.
Maybe I’m selfish. Maybe I believe that I deserve better than what I had before. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting better. I don’t see anything wrong with working on me and loving myself. There is nothing wrong with wanting to provide for myself. If I want to have a good job, education, buy my own house, and pay my own bills, why can't I? I understand "traditional" ideas would say my future husband should do all that for me because he's "the man of the house", but I have to disagree. I am a smart, beautiful, and independent woman, and that is something you will have to deal with on a daily basis. We are equals. That's why we work well together. I once was afraid to say anything and think for myself. I worried about what other people might think if I spoke up. Now, I really don’t give a damn. But since there is a slight possibility that you might be reading this, future Mr. Liz’s Lover, just know that I am aware you don't need me and you should know I don't need you, but I do want you.
