Most people who know me well would be pretty surprised to hear that I was shy about exercising in front of others. I'm a theatre kid, and when it comes down to it, there's nothing I love better than performing. I can improvise a monologue in front of a crowd without batting an eye. Being in front of people was never an issue for me. When I'm in front of people, I'm at my absolute best. When I'm kicking my butt, trying to hold my plank for those last 10 seconds, I'm pretty close to my worst. My perfectionist mind wouldn't let me let others see me like that. And so I'd hold my plank for those last 10 seconds, sweaty and shaking, in the comfort of my own room.
I've always loved working out. Well, I loved working out after I actually did the workout. Leading up to it was always left me feeling full of dread. I've done all manner of workouts throughout the years, from Insanity to Do You Yoga's 30 Day Challenges, to Blogilates with Cassey Ho. All these workout programs have a particular theme: they are all at home fitness programs. The idea of working out in front of people filled me with panic. People were going to see me sweat. I'm going to be out of breath. Everyone who is in better shape than me is going to judge me. I don't want others seeing me so... disgusting. I was ashamed. I was too scared of what others might think of me. On the rare occasions, I would venture to my high school's gym, I'd always seek out times when I knew I'd be the only one using it. And if there was anyone else in it, I'd cut my workout short. After a year, I became more comfortable with the idea, but would only exercise in front of others in my yoga classes.
When I got to college, easy access to a recreation center and the desperation to avoid the fabled and agonizing "Freshman 15" allowed me to give myself a break and start working out at the gym. I started out small, doing some cardio on the elliptical a couple of times a week, and gradually made a workout plan that had me in the gym five days a week. But what really got me to really feel comfortable with working out in front of others and with myself was group fitness. My school has a ton of free classes offered and I was excited to try them out. The first group fitness class I ever attended was Zumba. My older sister is an avid Zumba fan, and has been trying to get me to go to a class with her for the last three years. I'd always say that I was too tired or too sore to go with her, but I really just didn't want anyone to see me sweat. Going to that class was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me.
When everyone is sweaty, shaking, and striving for the same goal as you, appearances don't matter. You are all in this together. It doesn't matter if you can't finish the set or if you struggle because, despite the outcome, the people around you will be cheering for you to succeed, and you'll be doing the same for them.
So thank you, group fitness. Because of you, I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid for people to see me struggle. I'm OK with not being the best. I can go into new situations wholeheartedly, excited to learn, grow, and support the people around me.
