Last fall, I went through an extremely rough time. There were days where I had trouble getting out of bed, days where I just didn't want to face the world whatsoever. After seeing multiple doctors, I finally got diagnosed and treated for many medical issues. Thankfully, I had some of the most amazing friends to help me get through everything that I was experiencing. Then I met you. You captivated me from the moment we started to talk. The conversations that ended in laughs that hurt my stomach, which would eventually lead to me to feel so deeply for you. And leaving me so happy that I stopped communicating with you completely.
What you didn't know was that behind all the smiles, all the laughs, I wasn't the person that I wanted to be. I was working on getting better, physically and mentally. I was hiding it so well - all the pain. Eventually, I opened up to you. I told you everything that I was going through. I couldn't hide it anymore from you, and since you were the person who I believed I could go to for anything, I didn't hold anything back.
So I guess I should say thank you.
Thank you for making me realize that people aren't always out for my best intentions.
Your selfishness behind everything shined through everything that we did. I jumped through so many hurdles for you, drove so many miles, and all that you could do was simply sit there and play games with my heart, and those video games that you seemed to love so much. Sorry I cut into your "rewind time". You know, the four hours you took to play video games. Apparently five minutes is "just too much." I learned from you that I shouldn't give people 100% of my heart when they simply give me a little under 10% of theirs.
Thank you for making me realize I'm not crazy. You're just a jackass.
Everything that I went through wasn't easy, I hope that you know that. There were days where I couldn't move. I did feel crazy, but my friends always assured me that I wasn't, you were just simply a jerk. There were days where I wanted to simply quit everything and go home. So those days where I needed you most and you told me to just "get over it"- I didn't need to get over it, I just needed to get over you.
Thank you for making me realize that I'm a much better person because of you.
I learned that through your lack of empathy that I don't need somebody to help me though everything. In fact, because of you I became much more independent in getting healthier. So thank you, your lack of caring and overall false compassion helped me become a much better individual.
Thank you for driving me into the arms of people who actually cared.
These people still put smiles to my face every single day, they make me strive to be the best woman that I could possibly be. And they still give me a laugh when I really don't want one. These people will forever be my best friends.
And lastly,
Thank you for calling me a burden.
You gave me the backbone to leave. You gave me the backbone that I simply did not have at the time. I was crumbling, and although I thought that I needed you to help me get through everything because you were so great at acting like you really wanted to help me-you gave me the backbone to walk away from something so toxic and unhealthy that I learned just what healthy relationships entailed. I wasn't a burden, your act was, though.
So thank you, for everything. Because of you I smile so much bigger and brighter now. Because of you, I realized how much of a strong woman I am. Because of you, I've learned that it's okay to have rough days-because the people who care the most will never consider me a burden. And they most certainly will never leave.
-xo
