I Started Saying 'Thank You' Instead Of 'I'm Sorry' And I Feel Less Like A Burden To Others

I Started Saying 'Thank You' Instead Of 'I'm Sorry' And I Feel Less Like A Burden To Others

People knowing that you appreciate what they do for you goes a longer way than apologizing for your needs.

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I struggle all the time with feeling like a burden to other people. I have a difficult time asking for help sometimes, and I never want to need other people. I don't want other people to have to deal with or meet my needs. I have come to learn that this is just not realistic. People rely on each other to meet needs and we were built in relationships with people and support each other. I found a tip that definitely makes me feel better.

Some time ago I came across the advice that replacing "I'm sorry" with "thank you" is a smart way to express appreciation when someone meets your need or accommodates you.

That way, you're expressing your gratitude for someone willing to help you or do something for you rather than apologizing for needing help in the first place.

For example, if there's a schedule conflict that comes up with friends or family and someone needs to make a change because of me, I'm going to thank them when they accommodate me and change plans for me. Another example might be when I am vulnerable with a friend and express and anxiety or fear, I'll thank them for listening to my thoughts and feelings rather than apologize for them having to sit and listen to my inner monologue. I have found that this is an excellent way to make a conscious effort to acknowledge my worth and that it usually works pretty well.

It avoids placing blame on yourself for causing a problem as well and simply expresses thankfulness, which is positive.

It's a pretty simple thing to work toward, really, but it gives me some relief in some anxiety that I have. I perceive that people take to this response well. This is one instance in which I can't always control the scenario or context and what I'm feeling, but I can control how I communicate when other people are working to help me or adjust for me. Sometimes I am definitely prideful and stubborn and owe someone an apology. More often than not, I think, the things that I need or would ask for are also not as big of a deal as I make them out to be in my head. Asking someone to do something for me is probably not as significant and major for that person as it might seem to be for me. If someone cooks dinner for me, I'm going to try to thank them rather than apologizing for the fact that I'm one more person they have to give food to.

I don't always have this response, but I really try to live by this rule. Next time you feel like a burden and what to apologize, try saying "thank you" instead of "I'm sorry."

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50 Things To Be Happy About

It's the little things in life.
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It is always easier to pick out the negatives in life. We tend to dwell on them and drown out the happy moments. I asked a friend to tell me something that made them happy. They sarcastically laughed at my question then thought about it for a minute. Nothing. But they could easily come up with things that made them unhappy. Then I read them my list, and they were smiling and laughing in agreement the whole time. There are so many more things to be happy and laugh about than we realize. After all- it's the little things in life that can mean the most! Here are 50 things that make me happy. What are your 50?

  1. The first warm day of the year
  2. Laughing so hard your abs ache
  3. Freshly washed sheets
  4. Looking through old pictures
  5. The smell of a coffee shop
  6. Eating cookie dough
  7. Reading a bible verse that perfectly fits your current situation
  8. Seeing someone open a gift you got them
  9. Eating birthday cake
  10. A shower after a long day
  11. Marking something off your to-do list
  12. Drinking ice cold water on a really hot day
  13. Dressing up for no reason
  14. Breakfast food
  15. Being able to lay in bed in the morning
  16. Finding something you love at the store
  17. And it’s on sale
  18. Cute elderly couples
  19. When a stranger compliments you
  20. Getting butterflies in your stomach
  21. Taking a nap
  22. Cooking something delicious
  23. Being lost for words
  24. Receiving a birthday card in the mail
  25. And there's money in it
  26. Finally cleaning your room
  27. Realizing how fortunate you are
  28. Waking up from a nightmare and realizing it wasn't real
  29. Fresh fruit
  30. Walking barefoot in the grass
  31. Singing along to a song in the car
  32. Sunrises
  33. Sunsets
  34. Freshly baked cookies with a glass of milk
  35. Summertime cookouts
  36. Feeling pretty
  37. Looking forward to something
  38. Lemonade
  39. Comfortable silences
  40. Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you have more time to sleep
  41. Surviving another school year
  42. The cold side of the pillow
  43. The smell of popcorn
  44. Remembering something funny that happened
  45. Laughing to yourself about it
  46. Feeling weird about laughing to yourself
  47. Printed photographs
  48. Wearing a new outfit
  49. The sound of an ice cream truck
  50. Feeling confident
Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

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The Selflessness Of Self-Care

It is OK to nurture yourself before nurturing others.

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Do you find yourself prioritizing taking care of others before taking care of yourself? I do.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Saiarchana, and I am a nurturer. Nurturing people is something that has almost become second-nature to me because I am so accustomed to doing it. I love uplifting others and being there to give them support when they are in need. I love giving support to others so much that I am even majoring in Psychology. Nurturing is something that is incredibly important to me. I nurture others because I don't want anyone to feel alone or unsupported.

But, sometimes I forget to nurture myself.

I used to believe that taking care of others involved sacrifice. This kind of sacrifice was my own energy and self-care. I lived under the belief that by pulling away and taking care of myself, I would be labeled as selfish. So, I kept on nurturing others around me.

Until I broke down.

I was giving so much support and care to others, that I had forgotten about me. I am also a very important person in my life. My relationship with myself is incredibly important, and I had forgotten that. I was so focused on pouring love and care to others, that I had forgotten to water myself with those same sustaining forces. I was getting drained and worn out from nurturing and giving love to so many people around me because I was neglecting myself.

When I realized what was happening, I finally understood: Love is not starvation. I do not need to starve myself in order to feed others. I do not need to neglect my self-care in order to care for and give love to the people around me. Nurturing others does not equate to neglecting myself. Because, once I neglect myself, I end up not being able to show up fully for the people in my life.

I read a quote by an influencer named Allie Michelle. Michelle said:

"Taking care of yourself is selfless. An empty well cannot give water to a village."

When I read this, it was as if my eyes developed clearer vision. I recognized that I believed that self-care was selfish when actually it is one of the most selfless things I can ever do for this world. When I am able to take care of myself, I am at a healthier and stable position to give care to others. When I give from a place of lack, I end up lacking more. Giving my energy to others when I am in desperate need of recharging my own energy will end up making me feel emptier. It is like the good analogy from Michelle's quote. I cannot give from an empty source. When I forget to give love and care to myself, I reach a point where there is nothing left to give to others, because I haven't maintained a solid foundation for myself.

Giving care to others should be a fulfilling experience, not a draining one. In order for it to be a fulfilling experience, I need to make sure I am not giving from a place of emptiness. I need to nurture myself because doing so will give me a stable foundation. So, I finally understand the key to nurturing others: making sure I am nurturing myself first.

So, what now?

I am going to continue giving love and care to others. But this time, I am going to make sure I am nurturing myself too.

I hope you nurture yourself too. You are worthy of the love and care you give to others.

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