To the guy who didn’t love me enough:

You know who you are. I’m writing this to you because I don’t know if I’m ever going to see you again. I don’t know if I’m ever going to look you in the eyes again, and say these words to you.

It’s only been a week since you left, but somehow, I’m completely fine.

I’ll never forget the way that night went. You said goodbye, and before I could even process what was really happening, you had already walked out that door. I was left sitting there with tears streaming down my face, screaming for you. I couldn’t run after you like I wanted to, but I guess that’s why you left in the first place.

You couldn’t accept a huge part of me—a part of me that I have no control over.

You didn’t love me enough to accept the one part of me that you hated.

You said you fell in love with me, but you didn’t love me enough to stay.

I had asked you a few weeks before all of this if you still wanted to be with me. I knew in my heart that you couldn’t handle everything that came with loving me and I couldn’t handle hearing the words you were saying because of it. I’ll still miss the memories we had together, but I know now that this had to happen.

I was trying to be happy and at peace with living with my disease, but you saw it as something that is horrible and depressing, and that almost broke me. You saw it as the worst thing that could ever happen to someone and that made you turn into another guy—a guy that didn’t care if he hurt me or not.

You always told me I was being “too sensitive” and would get annoyed whenever I would cry when you said something that hurt me. You made me think I was crazy for being so upset over the things you would say to me. I know I’m an emotional person, but the things you said to me were things no person should have to hear from someone they love.

In the end, my disease made you question the love you had for me. But now thinking back to all of the years we spent together, that wasn’t real love.

I remember you telling me one day that you didn’t know what love really is. I should’ve known that when you said that, you didn’t love me as much as I loved you. There were so many times where I almost did break up with you, but I wasn’t ready. I think I was afraid of change and losing my best friend. I wasn’t strong enough to lose you yet.

But I am now.

I’ve never felt so strong in my life. I thought if this day ever came I would be completely heartbroken and depressed. And I’ll admit, I definitely was that night you left. But after crying myself to sleep the next couple nights, out of nowhere I realized that this wasn’t right. We didn’t want the same things in life and if we had stayed together, I would have kept feeling bad about myself and my disease.

I still love you, but I don’t want to feel like that anymore. The only thing I can say now is thank you for letting me go.

Thank you for some of the best times in my life and for making me stronger when things were hard.

Thank you for not loving me enough so that I could learn to love myself.

I’ll miss you.

Love,

Meli