It was midnight and the tears betrayed me as they rolled down my face. I felt like my entire world was crumbling down. The world was out to destroy me and in those dark moments I didn’t know if there was an escape. I was alone at the bottom of the ocean, anchored, scared and suffocating, and the more I tried to scream for help, the more water got into my lungs and the closer I was to sinking into the unknown.
I didn’t think that I had a chance to surviving. I didn’t see any hope or any chance of life getting better. Then, out of nowhere, you showed up. You held me while I was in the middle of the bathroom floor with mascara down to my chin, and let my makeup get all over your clean shirt. You were the rock at the end of the cliff, guarding me so I wouldn’t swim off the deep end. You saved me from floating into the darkness and the world that we have yet to discover.
You held me close in a world so vast. You built me back into the person I was when I was on the top the world. I was so close to sinking and you were the life jacket surrounding my wilting body. I thank you so much for giving me the love and care I needed. I thank you for being the life jacket and the rock that I needed when I was drowning in my own misery.
The truth is, I have no idea where I would be if you weren’t there that one night. I don’t know who I would be if you weren’t there to tell me that everything would be okay, or that things can only get better. You set my frozen heart on fire and warmed my soul. You gave me a purpose. You gave me a purpose to live again and to be who I am (though that is a forever going battle since I am always changing).
Thank you. Thank you for understanding that I am not as strong or loving as I seem to be. You have seen me at my complete worst and most vulnerable state. You found me as a wounded guppy and you helped me grow into a warrior. You loved me even when you knew I was not strong, when I wasn’t loving. You loved me when I hated myself, when I felt that no one could ever love me and I couldn’t love back. How could I love someone if I couldn’t even love myself? You helped me see the beauty in the dark. You helped me find purpose again. I was a wounded guppy in the middle of a drop-off in the ocean. You guided me back into the abyss that we call life.
The thing is, I wouldn’t be where I am today without that night. It was the scariest night of my life and you showed me that makeup can be re-applied. Well, maybe that isn’t the best way to describe it. What I am saying is that life can be changed. Maybe not the past but the future can be re-applied. You can paint our future the way you want it. You helped me see this. You helped me through my darkest time in my life and you carved your name into the bottom of my ocean. You became the anchor in my heart that keeps me at bay. You are my everyday reminder that I am loved and I am worthy. You are soft sand at the bottom surface of the water that I swim to so I am reminded that even during the rough days, no amounts of water in my lungs can hold me from thanking you every day for saving my life.
