Faith: noun \ˈfāth\: strong belief or trust in someone or something

I found myself when I accepted Jesus into my heart. I accepted him and fell into prayer when my world shattered and I had nothing else, but his love for me. I will not say life is easy because that would be a lie. I will however, say that life is beautiful and I didn't fully begin to see it until I accepted his plans for me.

When I was 13, I lost my best friend and I almost lost my will to live. When I lost my dad, it got dark—and I lost the light, I couldn't see my way up and I couldn't see my way out of all the darkness. At 13, my relationship with our lord wasn't the greatest. I believed he was my creator, but I was really angry he took my father away from me. I was like any 13-year-old, I had questions and those questions kept coming after my father took his life. Someone told me to have "faith," have faith that things will get better, have faith that things will get easier, have faith in our lord to carry you through this, keep the faith. I didn't understand what keeping the faith meant, how was I suppose to have faith when I had lost all hope, how was I suppose to have faith when my father was ripped away from me in the worst way possible? How was I suppose to carry on?

Faith. A simple word. A word that has so much meaning and when I finally opened my eyes and most importantly opened my heart I realized faith is so much more than just a word. Faith is trusting in something bigger than you, faith is opening your heart and accepting that our Lord has a plan—a plan for me and a plan for you. The really horrible things that happen to us are part of the bigger picture and often times the bigger picture is harder to see when we keep getting knocked down at every turn. You see, at 13 I had lost all hope the moment my dad pulled the trigger; my light went out. I found the light by reading scripture, I found the light by looking into my sibling's eyes and knowing I had them to hold on to and to lean on and most importantly I had our Lord who loves me and will protect me. Love can move mountains and there is no greater love than the love our lord has for each one of us. It is hard to believe in the things that we cannot see and it's even harder to have faith in someone we cannot see. I learned that no matter how deep your sorrow is, no matter how much the pain hurts and how much the darkness consumes you, you have to pull yourself out, you have to see the light and you have to keep the faith because he will bring you through any storm.

Here is a message for anyone who has lost the light and can't pull themselves out.

I know what you are going through and I know it's hard. I know how the darkness can pull you under and suck the life out of you and I know happiness is hard to find. I was just like you and I didn't pull myself out until someone told me to look at myself, to not look at my exterior but to look at myself on the inside. God gave me this life and my heart is still beating and while I'm still here I should live, live for myself and live for my father and keep moving. That's what I did, I may have lost my will to live almost eight years ago, but I am now stronger because I lost a man that I loved dearly.

I am grateful for my pain, I am grateful for the loss I felt, and I am grateful for his love and his strength that he gave me. If I would have never lost my father, I would have never known what it felt like to be on my hands and knees praying for the pain to go away, praying for guidance and praying to see the light. Suicide isn't an answer, suicide is permanent. No matter your situation, choose the light, have faith and don't lose hope because our Lord, will pull your through and he will always choose you, so choose him. Today, I realize I have angels on my side, the one I lost is in my heart, the one who gives me strength—our Lord will always be in my heart. I am forever changed because I accepted him. I am changed because he loves me and he loves you. Believe, have faith and never lose sight of the light—it's always there right in your heart. I ask that instead of choosing to let the darkness in, let our Lord in, let his light shine through you. Choose him because he has already chosen you, he chose you the minute he decided to me nailed to the cross and he will forever choose you. Have faith in the things that you cannot see, accept there is no explanation, accept his love for you is greater than any love you could ever feel and most importantly always choose the light.

"For we live by faith, not by sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7