Is your child in trouble? Are they developing into an unsatisfactory character? If they use these shortcuts they just might be on the brink:
- LOL: Lots of Llamas: Your child may be involved in an underground llama rodeo. With high profile take downs in cities like Austin and Dallas, the sakes are ever increasing for those involved.
- JK: Jacked Knitters: your child may be involved with a group of steroid users who masquerade as knitters. They hide the drugs in the knitting needles, they bring them out when in their ‘knitting club’ which is a really a den of iron pumping and overly loud grunting.
- FML: Forget Mona Lisa: this means your child has no respect for classic art and instead engage in the disrespect of art. They practice by pulling up the painting on the web and saying rude things, like “Your nose is too large for your face,” or “Why do you smile with you mouth closed, Mona? I bet its because you’ve got something in your teeth”.
- WTF: Where’s the 420: this is code for ‘where’s the weed’. Obviously.
- WYD: Where’s Young Dizzy: this means they may be part of a group that makes kids out their head on a bat and turn in a circle till their dizzy, a very serious issue on the rise in suburban communities. If you suspect your child is involved, simply take their bat and hit them with it until they see the error of their ways.
- LMAO: Losers Make Awful Omelets: this may mean your child is bullying someone for being a bad cook, which is not cool because some people just aren’t good cooks and may be better bakers instead.
- IDK: It doesn’t keep: Your child may be raiding the lost and found, and stealing things that do not belong to him or her, which could lead to a timeout or loss of recess, an event that is very hard to come back from.
- IDC: In Deep Caves: Your child may be involved in a gang which congregates in caves, deep beneath the surface. Very little is known about this group, except that they begin to resemble moles after a period of involvement.
- BRB: Barbeque Really Burns: A number of children have gone to the hospital as a wake up call from this organization, which uses barbeque sauce as an alternate for liquids, even using it instead of milk with cereal. It started during the Great Barbeque Race in Kansas City in the late nineties, when the popularity of the substance reached astronomical heights, people sought to integrate it into their every meal.
- BFF: Butterworth Fever Forever: Your child may be addicted to Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup. It takes a very serious stint in rehab to recover, which includes a pancake and waffle free diet. If you think your child is suffering from BFF, please call 1-800-BUTTFEVER4EVER, to get them the help they so desperately need.
- ASL: Angelic Songs Live: if your kids are using this, worry not! They are just trying to find the best, most holy music that’s playing live and in the moment. If your child uses this, you’ve done well as a parent!
- ILY: I Like Yodeling: this is one of the more benign gangs, they simply yodel in dark alleyways on Tuesday nights. They’ve earned a good reputation in St. Paul, Minnesota, where the Scandinavian population is prevalent. Members include that kid who always volunteered in music class, your great aunt Petra as well as musical legend Robert Guillae.
