I, a stressed college student in my last weeks of the semester, being of sound mind, not acting under duress or undue influence, and fully understanding the nature and extent of all my property and of this disposition thereof, do hereby make, publish, and declare this document to be my Last Will and Testament.
I. Expenses and Taxes
I direct that all my debts, from tuition and scantrons freely given to those less prepared, and expenses of my last illness (due to stress-induced headaches), funeral, and burial, be paid as soon after my death as may be reasonably convenient. My Personal Representative, Texas A&M University, will pay everything else off. Between the donors and the hotel, they should be able to cover it and send my parents on a cruise.
II. Disposition of Property
I devise and bequeath my property, both real and personal and wherever situated, as follows:
1st Beneficiary
My parents, currently in the State of Texas, Orange County, with the following property:
1) My tears. I've left them in a jar on my dresser;
2) My pencil sharpener, which kept me sharp in trying times; and
3) My scriptures. I endured to the very end, and now you may read what helped me keep the faith.
2nd Beneficiary
My friends, currently in the State of Texas, Brazos County, with the following property:
My laptop, which delivered many Bs and C+s to my .edu inbox.
3rd Beneficiary
My professors, currently in the State of Texas, Brazos County, with the following property:
A bag of rocks, for kicking purposes.
If any of my property cannot be readily sold and distributed, then it may be donated to the remaining students at Texas A&M so that they may not suffer the hardships that I have endured.
III. BINDING ARRANGEMENT
I, the undersigned stressed college student in my last weeks of the semester, do hereby declare that I sign and execute this instrument as my last Will, that I sign it willingly in the presence of each of the undersigned witnesses, and that I execute it as my free and voluntary act for the purposes herein expressed, on this 29th day of November, 2017.
Broke and Sad.
