Ten Things To Thank My Coffee For

I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump n' coffee grind.

Apr 11, 2016

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I love you more than Leslie Knope loves Ann Perkins. However, I lack the unique complimenting ability that Ms. Knope finds herself with an abundance of skill in. When I find myself at a loss for words, I turn to the literary greats. William Shakespeare must have known that someday I would be expressing my adoration to you, coffee, when he wrote: "I do love nothing in the world so well as you — is that not strange?" —William Shakespeare, "Much Ado About Nothing."

And so, in an attempt to espresso just how much I admire and appreciate you, I have written a list of 10 things I would like to thank you for:

1. For being beautiful in all sizes and forms.

Whether you're tall and hot or venti and frozen, you are the most ravishing sight I have ever laid my unworthy, heathen eyes on.

2. For transforming me each morning from a zombie to a functional human being.

With concealer for the bags under my eyes, dry shampoo to disguise the grease in my hair and a cup of you to give me strength, I have the willpower to make it through my five classes, three meetings and endless mounds of homework. I, and everyone else I come into contact with Monday through Friday, sincerely thank you for helping me get one step closer to becoming a kind-of-adult.

3. For always adjusting to my wants and needs.

I want an extra shot? You oblige. I ask for soy milk? You don't complain. Coffee, you are the most selfless substance I have ever met. Unlike alcohol, who I swear is always looking out for her own personal agenda, you always have my best interest at heart.

4. For introducing me to new people.

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. . .d coffee. Whether it be the first of many friendship dates or a nerve-wracking professional meeting, you are always the middle-man that I am eternally grateful for. You, coffee, are never a third-wheel.

5. For staying up with me all night without judgment.

You know very well that I waited until 7 p.m. on a Sunday night to start my homework, even though I had the entire weekend to do so and I chose to finish the last season of "The Office" instead. My friends, teachers and even myself might — and probably will — judge me. But not you, coffee.

6. For being a cherished staple of my holidays and seasons.

My first pumpkin-flavored coffee of the fall season is a moment to remember. It gives me hope and excitement about all the new beginnings and endings that await me. When I travel to my hometown to watch the Christmas parade as the stringed lights in the park turn on for the first time, I always make sure to grab a peppermint coffee from the coffee shop where you and I first fell in love. You are with me through all the milestones, coffee in one hand and a camera in the other.

7. For igniting my new found love of collecting mugs.

If you think about it, mugs are pretty much the coffee version of clothes. If spoiling you with an assortment of mugs in a variety of shapes, colors and sizes is wrong, then I don't want to be right. Even if I take you black, I'll always be your sugar daddy, coffee.

8. For bringing my friends and I closer together.

Whether it be a quick drive-thru run, a study session or a sit-down trip at the nearest Starbucks, you have graciously provided my friends and me with the perfect opportunity to catch up on not only our lives but our caffeine intake for the day. My grande Skinny Vanilla Latte with soy milk might be a bit overpriced, but the conversations between friends are priceless.

9. For your silent support while I sit and reflect.

You let me hold you and take sip after sip from you as I ponder about the miscellaneous troubles of life. No matter if it is over what I have to do for that day or what I am going to do with the rest of my life, you always give me the chance to stop, sit down and take a coffee break.

10. For tasting delicious.

And I will defend your honor against anyone who disagrees, coffee.

'Til death do us part, coffee. I hope we're still on for our 9:00 a.m. date tomorrow. Like always, it's on me.

Caffeinatedly yours,

Your Not-So-Secret Admirer.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Ten Things To Thank My Coffee For

I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump n' coffee grind.

1. For being beautiful in all sizes and forms.

2. For transforming me each morning from a zombie to a functional human being.

3. For always adjusting to my wants and needs.

4. For introducing me to new people.

5. For staying up with me all night without judgment.

6. For being a cherished staple of my holidays and seasons.

7. For igniting my new found love of collecting mugs.

8. For bringing my friends and I closer together.

9. For your silent support while I sit and reflect.

10. For tasting delicious.

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The temperature may not be very Autumn-like, but these playlists sure are.

1. Southern Gothic

2. Autumn Acoustics

3. Autumn Leaves

4. Deep Dark Indie

5. Dreamy Fall

6. Halloween Hipster

7. Wanderlust

8. Your Favorite Coffeehouse

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1. Realizing there's no more toilet paper when it's already too late.

2. Making a cup of coffee in the morning and forgetting it in the car.

3. Pushing doors that say pull.

4. When you hear people chew.

5. When it's really quiet in a room and you hear that one person breathing like they just ran a marathon.

6. Grabbing a chocolate chip cookie, only to realize it's actually oatmeal raisin.

7. Getting comfortable in bed and then realizing you forgot to pee/turn off the light.

8. That one aunt/uncle that just always gives you that creepy vibe.

9. When your teacher makes you buy a textbook that you never even crack open.

10. Continuing to open and reopen the fridge until the food that you want magically makes its way in there.

11. Walking into a room and then automatically forgetting why you went in there.

12. People that drive without using their blinker.

13. When you have really slow wi-fi.

14. People who feel the need to scream into their phones as if the other person can't hear them.

15. The world's obsession with the Kardashian/Jenner families.

16. Advertisements before Youtube videos.

17. When people read over your shoulder.

18. A-holes that park in the handicapped spots when they, in fact, not handicapped.

19. People who cut in line.

20. The LIRR/MTA

21. Being stuck behind someone who is walking painfully slow.

22. When people smoke cigarettes right in front of the entrance to the building you have to walk into.

23. When boys think it's cool to treat girls like crap.

24. Guys that still go to high school parties even though they've been out of high school for years.

25. Celebrities that are obviously lip-syncing.

26. How you need a scissor to get the scissor out of its package.

27. When people text using that stupid "voice text" function.

28. Telling someone you can't hear them, so they use the same exact volume and just repeat what they said.

29. When someone gets in the shower right as you were about to get in the shower.

30. Saying "What?" for some reason, even though you heard what the person said.

31. When you're in a rush but the light is red.

32. Cashiers putting your change down on the counter instead of in your hand.

33. The people that go up to order food to the cashier but are still continuing their phone conversation.

34. That awkward time in the fall when it's freezing in the morning but stifling in the afternoon.

35. Emailing your professor a long winded paragraph about a problem you are having and they email back, "Sure."

36. Guys who put their car as their profile picture on Facebook.

37. Girls who have "X Years Young." in their Instagram bios.

38. Trying to find the beginning to a roll of tape.

39. When people drive your car and adjust your mirrors/seat.

40. People that talk during the movie.

41. People that decide to engage in conversation right in the middle of the hallway/sidewalk.

42. When someone says, "no offense," and then continues to say something offensive.

43. People that pop their significant others pimples.

44. Teacher's pets.

45. Going to the bathroom and someone goes into the stall right next to you.

46. When someone leaves your room and doesn't shut the door.

47. Political debates between two people who know nothing about politics.

48. When you get all ready to go out and your friend cancels plans.

49. People that drop their friends for their significant other.

50. People that don't like animals.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Things to do in October.

1. Going to haunted houses with friends.

2. Going to Halloween parties with friends or families or both.

3. We all enjoy going to apple orchards to pick apples and to eat donuts with apple cider.

4. When you are younger or through high school, you go trick or treating in various of costumes going door to door saying "trick or treat" and you get candy or whatever they are giving you for Halloween.

5. Another fun part of October is to go to corn mazes which are sometimes fun and hard to do with friends and family.

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