Disclaimer: if you want to get all butthurt about me making a joke out of "The Ten Commandments", don't. If Biggie Smalls can have a song called "Ten Crack Commandments" I can most certainly write this and that's sound enough reasoning for me.
Let's be honest, you sit on your snapchat and tap through most people's stories fast as hell without even looking at what they posted. Some people post some stupid shit. They think that snapchat is just all fun and games. WELL IT'S NOT. Thinkin' they can go around ruining your 9 day snap streak?? Hell no.
I get it. I'm here to help. I think that Snapchat could be made a better place with just a few simple rules. It needs to be regulated, and it's time that someone took a stand. So I took the liberty of creating "The Ten Commandments of Snapchat" for you. Live by these guidelines, and I promise I will not lead you astray. So, here we go:
1. Thou shalt not ruin a snap streak
Since the invention of the "snap streak" (i.e. the running count of the number of days you have been consecutively snapping a person), this has become the most important rule of snapchat. You must live, breathe and die for the snap streak. YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON THE SNAP STREAK. DO NOT LET IT END BY ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
2. Thou shalt not send someone the same snap you post to your story
This is the biggest snapchat faux pas that you can make. You make a person think they're special, then they go and watch your snap story and see they ain't shit. Straight up disrespectful. If you do this, just delete snapchat altogether.3. Thou shalt not have a snap story that is over 3 minutes long.
No one cares about you that much, I promise. YOU AIN'T SPECIAL. You have to learn to prioritize. Pick only the best snaps for your story. I promise, your whole friends list will thank you.
4. Thou shalt not screenshot your friends ugly snapchats
The ability to send ugly snapchats to someone without worrying about your double chin is a legitimate level of trust. IF YOU SCREENSHOT YOUR FRIENDS UGLY SNAPS, you are chipping away at your foundation of friendship. Yes, it's that serious. Or, at least if you screenshot, don't post that shit anywhere!5. Thou shalt not upload concert snaps to thy story
I am guilty of this one as well. But I promise, everyone is watching your snap story with the volume off, tapping through as fast as they can. So no matter how lit the concert is, do everyone a favor and get off snapchat.
6. Thou shalt honor thy snapchat best friend
When you become snapchat best friends with someone, you are making a commitment. Sound serious? Well it fuckin' is. YOU CANNOT RUIN IT! (Unless it's someone you're trying to get with and they be actin up you better KICK THEM TO THE CURB)
7. Thou shalt not post "music in the car snaps" to thy story
This does not apply to the occasional "singing in the car with your friends" snapchat. This applies to the serial "car radio snapchatter", that legitimately uploads video snaps with their hand on the steering wheel and whatever "cool" song is playing in the background. No. Just straight up no. ANNOYING.
8. Thou shalt not overuse thy snapchat filters
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem: I was once addicted to the dog face filter. I would upload shameless selfies with the dog face on the weekly. I mean come on, the dog face and other snap filters (i.e. the butterfly filter and the pretty filter) bring you upload a solid 3 points on the rating scale. But, like me, you can recover. Bring yourself down a couple pegs and back away from the filters. As hot as they make you look, you must not over indulge.
9. Thou shalt not upload "black-screen quote snaps" to thy story
Exhibit A: We all have that one person we have talked to since high school that posts stories like this. Shit's annoying. No one cares. Get a therapist. I'm just trying to clear my snap feed.
10. Thou shalt not send unsolicited nudes
Finally, this rule mostly applies to the male specimen. Ain't no one wanna see that!!!!!! Ya weirdo. Keep it in your pants.
So there we have it, folks. The ultimate set of snapchat guidelines. If you know someone actin up, ruinin streaks, posting stupid-ass snap stories, and sending some freaky things, send them this article. You'll be doing the whole snapchat community a public service.
