To give you some insight on why I would like to share my love of cigarette smoking with the world, I would first like to tell you how I met my former best friend (That’s right, FORMER). I met my former best friend nicotine at the age of sixteen, earlier than I should have, and smoked on and off until about the age of twenty. Through those four years, I learned ten important facts that I’d like to share with everyone about why smoking is awesome and cool!
1. MONEY
To start, almost everyone alive knows smoking kills your body, but it also kills your wallet. If you’re thinking about smoking and you have a job, you better budget $25 to $30 dollars a week out of your paycheck to smoking. Who needs money anyway? You worked hard for that money and if you want to waste it on cigarettes go for it. After all, cigarettes are more important than food, shelter, and health.
2. ADDICTION
Have you ever been addicted to something? Now I’m not talking about “OMG I need my Starbucks”. I’m talking about real addiction. Having to have a substance control your body and mind is cool because who needs will power?
3. HEALTH
Shortness of breath? Coughing? Emphysema and cancer!!!!! If any of those sound appealing to you, go buy a pack of cigarettes immediately and get to smoking!
4. SMELL
No one loves the smell of cigarette smoke than non-smokers. If you like smelling like a burnt campfire in public, why haven’t you smoked yet? Go nail an interview or first date smelling like straight cigarettes!
5. SOCIETY
It is common sense that smoking is bad for you, but who cares, you’re a rebel. Society can’t hold you back, go smoke, and show the man! Impress the cool kids at school with your smoking, they’ll remember you the rest of their lives, I promise.
6. FAMILY
Every mother and father wishes their children were smokers, proven fact. It shows that they raised them to have absolutely zero common sense, and every parent wants their child to have a greater chance to die before them.
7. BREATH
Smoke a cigarette and go up and talk to someone face to face. They will remember you as having the best breath they have ever smelled. Nothing says I want to talk to you again like smokers breath!
8. CLOTHES
If you smoke, guess what, you’ll never have to buy perfume again. You have tons of options, Camel Lights, L&M Reds, among many other beautiful smelling scents that will stick to you were ever you go!
9. SEX
If you have ever been hit on by a smoker, than you already know that it is one of the most attractive aspects a person can have. They have bad breath, smell terrible, and have proven that they will be around just as long as you have!
10. IMMATURITY
Nothing says you’re a grown adult than an out dated habit that has been proven to kill you. If you need evidence of this, then you did not read one through nine.
