If good moments lasted forever, there would be nothing to look forward to. The magic behind experience would disappear. There wouldn’t be any reason to endure uncertainty, hardship, or struggle. Relationships are not meant to be forever. Friends weave in and out of our lives, not because we want to see them go, but because if they didn’t, we would find ourselves overwhelmed by forced connections of little purpose. Best friends and soulmates exist wherever it is that expectations exceed reality. We cannot expect to remain constant for the entirety of our lives. We are made of moving parts. We change despite the apparent consistency of others. We are made of experiences that are distorted by our memories.
If Best Seller’s on the book list stayed at the top forever, there would be no fuel for the aspiring book-writer. If the Top 40 was set, no one would listen to the radio or bother with creating new music. If we became too content with our lives, there would be no motivation to improve. If we were guaranteed to live indefinitely with the same group of people, at what point would we feel trapped? Temporary lifespans allow us to value the time we have, but since nothing is permanent, I always have the opportunity to overthink change.
I obsess over permanent decisions that will change very little. I hesitate to adhere stickers to shiny surfaces, fearing that I will forever have to live with the crooked placement or tiniest of air bubbles. I count down from three whenever submitting a form online, forcing myself to commit to a simple click. The decisions I make are preceded by hundreds of what ifs. The things I write need to be read 30 times over before I let them leave my computer.
Maybe I overthink the little things because I anticipate drastic changes to follow. Maybe it’s just fear telling me that I could have done better. Maybe it’s the lack of control I maintain as I am thrown in the midst of infinite changes. Maybe I am too caught up in the details to make decisions.
Despite my indecisiveness, and despite overthinking everything, change is still inevitable. At least I will always have something to think about.
