When I was in middle school and high school, I had severe anxiety and self-esteem problems. Looking back, it’s actually really sad to realize how many teachers contributed to this. To the teachers who publicly ridiculed and humiliated me, I hope you know how much this contributed to my anxiety.
I remember a big deal of my anxiety, especially in middle school, was having to work alone in class because I didn’t have any friends to work with. I would literally lose sleep at night knowing that we would have to do a partner activity the next day in a class that I didn’t have any friends in. The worst was when teachers would say things like, “You have 10 seconds to find a partner!” And everyone would race to their best friend. I would have to walk up to my teacher, intimidated and embarrassed, and explain that I didn’t have anyone to pair up with. He would sigh, turn to the class and say, “Is there anyone here who would like to work with Erica?” As if it were a public announcement that I had no friends.
One day, in my eighth grade social studies class, we had to present our projects to the class. The most logical way to do this would have been going in alphabetical order or by the seating arrangement. However, my teacher decided to make this a popularity contest. He chose one volunteer, and then he or she would pick someone to go next, and so on; which meant someone was going to end up being picked last. Not only was I anxious about presenting in front of the class, I was now anxious about when I was going to get picked. Finally, it got to the point where one girl had to choose between me and one other kid. To make things even worse, my teacher, in front of everyone, said to her, “OK, you have a choice to make. Are you going to pick _____ or ____?” Sure enough she picked the other kid. I was mortified. Looking back I wish I would’ve said something to the teacher, but I was too shy. Instead I just let it go and assumed I had no power since I was just the student and he was the teacher.
I remember another time in sixth grade when my orchestra teacher embarrassed me in front of the entire orchestra because I played a note wrong. She told me, “See how one wrong note from one person can affect the entire orchestra?” I literally almost quit because of her. I told my mom about the situation, and how I no longer wanted to play violin. She wouldn’t let me because she said orchestra looked good when trying to get into colleges, but she was very upset, and talked to my teacher. My teacher apologized to both of us, and said how it’s so upsetting how so many kids quit orchestra, and that she is trying to keep as many kids as possible. “Well if you’re trying so hard not to discourage anyone, you’re not doing a good job,” I thought to myself.
Teachers and administrators have such a big emphasis on bullying, but often they forget that teachers can be just as big of a problem. I am not trying to say that all teachers are bad, (I have had many amazing teachers) or say that I don’t like a teacher just because he or she gave me a bad grade, but I don’t think many of them realize how their words can affect students. I truly believe that most of them mean well, they just don’t think before they speak.
Teachers need to realize that they don’t know exactly what their students are going through outside of school. For any students having a hard time with a teacher, I highly encourage you to talk to them about the problem, even if it means writing them a note or an e-mail if you are too shy to talk to them in person. I let things go because I was too intimidated, but I can almost guarantee if you talk to them in a mature way and explain how you are feeling, they will take your feelings into consideration. If you continue to let the problem go on, it’s not going to solve anything.
