Now, just like (I'm assuming) most of the teenage girls in America, I love Taylor Swift. This might just be out of jealousy, but it has come to my attention that she's dated a decent amount of Hollywood.
Awesome.
Everyone's like "Taylor has dated so many guys" blah, blah, blah, but come on. If you were famous, wouldn't you do that, too? More power to her.
Anyway. I just wanted to reflect on who she has and has not dated.
First, was the infamous Joe Jonas.
A classy soul, breaking up with our Taylor in a 27-second phone call (No, this wasn't supposed to rhyme).
From this, we can calculate that Taylor has not dated Nick Jonas or Kevin Jonas, because that's so against girl code.
Next, Taylor dated Taylor Lautner, a.k.a life dreams.
They met on the set of Valentine's Day and their love was quick, only lasting three months.
Taylor has not dated Taylor Lautner's vampire rival, Robert Pattinson. Thank you for staying in one part of the Quileute land territory. You did us all a favor.
Come on down, John Mayer, you're next.
Essentially everyone's heartthrob, John stole Taylor's heart for a while. I know that there's some beef with Taylor and Katy Perry, perhaps John is the root of that?
Regardless, Taylor did not dated Katy Perry's ex-husband, Russell Brand. For good reason.
Jake Gyllenhaal is up next.
Yes, he's perfect. A short fling, Taylor supposedly wrote "All Too Well" about Jake, mentioning Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Next on the list is Conor Kennedy.
Now, it has been a rumor that Taylor has dated Patrick Schwarzenegger, which would be weird because him and Conor Kennedy are distant relatives. This has not been confirmed, so I'm going to deny it and say she HASN'T dated Patrick.
My favorite member of One Direction is up next: Harry Styles.
A dashing young man, Taylor and Harry made an exceptionally good-looking couple. Not that the others and Taylor didn't; I just particularly like Harry.
I conclude from this that Taylor has not dated Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Niall Horan or Louis Tomlinson. Because that would just be low.
Now, Taylor is dating Calvin Harris.
Like, damn. You go, T-Swizzle. I'm proud.
Alas, because he is an EDM artist, and because Taylor and Selena Gomez are friends, Taylor has not dated Zedd. You really only get one hot EDM artist in your life, right? Use it well, Tay.
So cute, amirite?!
You keep doing you, Tay. You'll find the guy to be the Romeo to your Juliet when you're supposed to. The haters will keep hating. I'm still voting she'll end up with Harry Styles at some point. Well, hey. She likes British guys!
