About a month ago, I got my first tattoo. Many people have asked me why I chose now to get a tattoo, and my response is, "I was bored." Before you think, “Oh my god, she is going to regret doing this on a whim!” allow me to explain myself.
After having an insanely busy and stressful semester at school, I decided to give myself a break for the summer. Because I took it easy, I got a little bored. But that boredom gave me something I didn’t even know I needed: time. For the first time in years, it seemed as though I had time to learn about myself. Surprisingly, learning about one's self isn’t as easy as it sounds. After taking myself out on a few dinner dates and solo shopping trips, I realized that dating myself was different than I expected.
For some reason, I thought that if I spent more time with myself, I would find a comprehensive outline of who I’ve grown up to be. Instead, I found a spotty road map that hadn’t been updated in a while. I realized there was a lot I had been avoiding in myself. Everyone has things that they don’t like about themselves, like frizzy hair and freckled skin. I was shocked to find that there were things about my past and my present that I was afraid to discuss with even myself. So I got myself a cup of coffee, took a deep breath, and explored them.
After weeks listening to folk music, drinking countless cups of coffee, and a few tear-ridden discoveries, I found myself gravitating towards tattoos. I always knew that I wanted ink, but I didn’t know what I wanted or where. Then, of course, there was the inherent fear of getting a tattoo. What if it hurt too much? What if I cried? What if it was a mistake?
For two months, I patrolled Pinterest searching for the perfect tattoo design for me and learning more about myself on the way. With each picture that passed I got more ideas about what I wanted for myself, but I couldn’t help but feel guilty that I was stealing someone else’s ideas. Finally, I found a picture where I least expected it. It was a watercolor drawing of a lavender bush. I’ve always found myself attracted to lavender, so I did some research on it. For hours, I searched the internet learning new things about the plant, and was astonished at how connected I felt to this drawing.
The next week, I was sitting in the chair, drinking a Coke (to keep up your blood sugar), and squeezing my friend’s hand for dear life. By the end of the hour, it was done. I officially had art on my body forever. All of my friends and family have been more than supportive of my tattoo, even if they don’t quite understand or know the meaning behind it. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The final product!
In the end, it’s not about what other people think of your ink, or if they even know what it means. And honestly, their say doesn’t really matter at all – it’s not on their body. Your tattoo is whatever you want it to be! Getting a tattoo did for me what countless self-help books and inspiring TED Talks couldn’t. It made me think about who I was and what I wanted. Not just my immediate needs, but what I want for forever. The months I spent soul-searching were the most aggravating, wonderful, scary, and insightful times of my life. Maybe not everyone knows what my tattoo means, or why it’s important to me. I love knowing that I can look at my wrist and say, “Yeah, that’s a part of who I am – physically and emotionally – and I’m damn proud of it.”
