There are two types of people in this world: people who get beautiful natural tans and people who just say the word "sun" and instantly get third-degree burns.
As one of those unfortunate people, I have recently experienced one of my worst sunburns to date. It is 100 percent percent my fault (as it oftentimes is), even though I thought I put on more sunscreen than is probably legal.
But that's how it always starts isn't it?
You go to the beach with good intentions
but the sun has other plans for you, and not even sunblock can save you.
You go home realizing the damage has been done, while also praying that it's not going to be so bad this time around.
But it's worse. It's always worse.
Perhaps a cool shower may help ease the pain? Nope!
What you thought was going to be a peaceful shower after a long hot day at the beach quickly turns into excruciating torture by the pounding water that is now assaulting your newly burned skin.
Once you are out of the torture chamber, you apply as much aloe as possible to get some kind of relief.
But it doesn't last very long.
After covering yourself in a lifetime supply of aloe, you head off to bed. You know you'll be alright once you fall asleep and dream of a better, less painful place.
But of course that doesn't happen because you can't even get comfortable in your bed, you know, since you feel like your skin is going to burst into flames at any moment.
What most people don't talk about (but what you have experienced too often), is that sometime during the night you start to feel incredibly sick— chills, nausea, the works. You definitely got too much sun, and your body is going into shock.
Great, bring on the blankets.
When your hellish fever breaks the next morning, you feel great, but that happiness only lasts for a moment, as you look in the mirror and see that you are even more red today than you were yesterday.
Besides for looking like a tomato, every part of your body is in so much pain, and even the most simple things are no longer doable.
Getting dressed is the real struggle because putting clothes on top of your burn is super painful, so you have two options.
1. Wear as little material as possible, and be prepared to receive comments and stares.
2. Cover up your entire body so you don't get comments or stares, but be prepared to be in extraordinary amounts of pain (bonus: your covered areas will not get any more sun).
Choose wisely.
When you see your friends or family, all they'll want to do is poke you to see how badly you got burned - do not let them.
Next comes the blistering and peeling. Brace yourself, this stage lasts for a very long time.
There isn't enough moisturizer in the world that can make this any less unattractive, but hang in there, you'll get through it.
Finally your skin no longer burns and the peeling is done, but instead of being beautifully tan like you thought you would be, you're actually just as pale as you were before.
Maybe you'll just go get a spray tan.
