I have been trying to start this article now for two hours, and I have been considering what I was going to write about now for six days. Yes, six days. This may seem excessive to some, and maybe I am crazy for doing something that is clearly almost impossible for me to do, but in my mind, it is something that I have to do.
There were three thoughts that entered my mind when I found out that I had actually gotten a job writing for the odyssey:
1. This is so exciting, I can't believe they actually want to hear what I have to say!
2. Wait, are people actually going to read something that I wrote?
3. Why did I decide to do this again?
In that moment I was terrified. I panicked, and so, of course, I called my mom and told her I was excited in an attempt to convince myself it was still a good idea. Then I hung up the phone and considered calling the editor and telling her I didn't think that I could do it. But I stopped myself, took a deep breath and reminded myself that this was a good thing. I have always had terrible social anxiety. I am awful at meeting people and am genuinely terrified when all eyes are on me, but I don't want to be that way anymore. I have a lot to say, and I think that what I have to say is worth hearing. So now I am taking a leap of faith and trying this new adventure to see if it is actually something I could come to enjoy.
This is only one of the many things I have been trying to do to overcome my anxiety. Over the past couple of years, I have been slowly trying to do things that scare me. Going out when I don't necessarily feel like it, introducing myself to people without them approaching me first, raising my hand in class, and so forth. I am not saying that I have necessarily been good at doing these things, but I am slowly making a habit of it and have learned a lot about myself as a person in doing so. It still isn't easy and more often than now I catch myself asking whether or not this is something that I really want to do. However, once I overcome the initial fear of doing whatever it is that scared me and I actually do it, I come out feeling 100% better about myself than I did going into it (well, sometimes it's more like 75%- it's a work in progress).
Anyways, I guess all that I am trying to say is, to anyone who is interested in continuing to read my articles, please bear with me. This is definitely a work in progress and something that I am both nervous and excited about. Secondly, if there is anyone reading this article that is currently thinking about that thing that they have always wanted to do but never quite pushed themselves to do Go out and do it. (and don't go lying to yourself because I said it and say that it wasn't something you actually wanted to do). Seriously, you won't regret it.
