From the moment we are just toddlers, we have this idea ingrained into our minds that the world is nothing but innocent and that nothing tragic could ever happen to someone we know and love. That is when reality will decide to make a dandy little visit by knocking at our doors. In this case, not only to make a visit, but to take someone with as well. Losing a loved one is never easy, especially when it’s a parent. The one who brought your soul into this world is gone, as in forever, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it other than to grieve while hoping for the very best. Losing a parent when you’re little is tough. It’s probably one of the most difficult things a child will go through during their childhood and even the rest of their lives

For you Mom,

At first, it didn’t quite hit me that you were gone out of my life forever. I was only a 9-year-old girl that hadn’t even experienced her first real crush. I didn’t realize that my mom had a deadline and that the deadline had passed me by while I took advantage of it. The whole situation just didn’t feel fair to me as I walked past children with both parents by their side. No child should ever have to mature and grow up as fast as I had to. Losing you taught me so many lessons that not even my friends will understand until they’re in their 30s. I became the only girl of the house with my dad and brother. I saw all of my peers having fun with both parents while I helped cook dinner, do laundry and keep track of what came in the mail while also watching my dad raise me with my help.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and I miss the little things that you would do, like blowing your bangs out of your face with the side of your mouth just to have them land back on your eyes. I remember I would giggle when I would be walking by and you would make a funny face at me just to get me to smile. I find myself taking up that habit quite a bit and my friends believe I’m crazy when I do it, but it always gets them to smile just like you got me to smile. Sometimes I even think about our little talks regarding pointless things that seemed so important to me at the time. I miss your smile and I still have your favorite Snoopy cup that you gave me when we went to Cedar Point. I cherish everything I have of yours.

I think about you whenever I do something in my life--like the firsts of everything. When I had my first crush, dad didn’t really know what to say or do other than nod his head and say that I was never having a boyfriend until I was thirty years old. When I needed to talk to my mother about the awkward stages of blooming into a woman, dad just told me that a folded paper towel will do when the day comes. The day of my first date at sixteen years old, my step-mom was there, but it wasn’t the same as I described all of the details to her. I shared my first prom with my ex’s mom and during the dress and tux fitting, I thought of you. I wished you could be there to share all of those first moments with me and I couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t be able to share anything with you that I did in my life after you passed away.

I thought of you again just right before I walked down of what seemed the pathway to my future at my graduation ceremony, and that’s when I realized that you were with me. You had always been with me along the way. Maybe not physically, but always and forever in my heart watching everything that I do and say. Some days are definitely worse than others, but I have a feeling you are always watching to make sure I get through whatever hardship I run into. I know you’re watching me write this and I miss you more every day as I go through the motions of my life. Although I wish I had more time with you, I am unbelievably thankful for every second that I di get with you.

Love,

Your daughter