There are some lessons that my parents taught me. There are some I learned as I went along, and some I learned a bit too late. The hard way is the worst way to learn, so allow me to give you some advice.
Choosing your friends takes time. It's not something that you can do in the blink of an eye. Yes, I understand that sometimes there's a bit of "love at first sight" and you immediately hit it off with someone. But these cases are rare and don't always end well. Caution is important. It doesn't matter how magnetic a person or group is. Sometimes magnetism can be toxic. I've been there. I made that mistake.
When I was in junior high, I was the new kid, and I instantly latched on to an especially charismatic group of popular kids. For three years I was in an agonizing back-and-forth, wanting desperately to leave the world of never feeling like enough and always acting fake, but also always fearing isolation. The first semester of my junior year I looked back on my friendships and realized that it would be worth being alone to leave the people who made me feel like nothing, so I walked away. Nothing was the same after that.
On one hand, things got brighter and easier, and I felt happy again, like a weight had lifted from my chest. On the other, I was so angry with myself for not turning things around sooner. I learned a powerful lesson, but I wasted three years when I could've spent time finding the people for me. From that point on, I approached friendship in a new way, determined not to make the same mistakes.
Friendship is a process. It's not a decision you can make on a whim. It's about chemistry, trust, effort, and connection. You don't choose your friends in a day, and you don't choose them in a week. Sometimes you don't even choose them in a month. It depends on your priorities. When you first start picking out people, it's important to make sure that they match up with what you're seeking in a friendship. If you like funny people, maybe you shouldn't pick people who bore you. If you like meaningful conversation, don't pick the people who aren't down to talk deep.
Trust your gut. If someone gives you a weird feeling, don't do it. I'm not talking about judgements or feeling like they aren't cool. I'm talking about that feeling you get when someone makes you wary or gives you a certain vibe. Steer clear. Those people are for someone else, not you.
Choose the friends that you know you can love. Friendship goes both ways. Choose people that you can sacrifice for, not just who will sacrifice for you. Choose people that aren't afraid to care about you and show it. Choose people that accept you. Choose wisely.
This friendship thing is a wonderful, beautiful part of life. It's one of the best things. Take your time. These are your people, and it'll be nice to look back and know that you chose friendships that you can put a lot into, and get a lot out of. I'm still choosing, almost two years later. I think I've found some of my people, but I'm still waiting to find out. And that's OK. But don't wait out of fear. Wait because you know something wonderful is coming, and you just haven't found it yet. Trust yourself to know when you do. We're all doing this together. Friendship is one of the greatest experiences we'll have on this Earth, and I hope you'll find the best people to do life with.
