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Mastering the Art of Pettiness: 51 Clever Wishes for Your Not-So-Favorite People
I hope you never feel so strongly to wish someone dead; only inconvenienced.
15 November 2023
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Recently, one of my friends used the phrase, "I want to strangle her." Though I, and many others, can relate to extreme frustration or dislike to select people, I hope you never feel the need to be so violent and extreme. Instead of wishing them dead, why not wish them inconvenienced? It's so much sweeter. So, to anyone who has done wrong, just say: I hope you…
1. Stub your toe on your favorite piece of furniture
2. Miss a spot while shaving
3. Have your contact dry out
4. Have toenails that grow too fast and have to clip them every day
5. Have eyeliner that is never straight
6. Always buy the clumpiest mascara
7. Suffer from severe split ends
8. Always receive "hot" coffee cold
9. Receive overcooked food at your favorite restaurant
10. Have to get braces for the second time
11. Buy cracked eggs
12. Have a pet that eats your bra
13. Get a bad haircut
14. Still have acne after the age of twenty
15. Have bad Wi-Fi that goes out when you're trying to submit a paper
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16. Spill dark liquids on white clothes
17. Have bad gas on a first date
18. Get put on at least a 20-minute wait for a table
19. Can't get the right shoe size
20. Whites turn pink in the wash
21. Run out of conditioner but always have too much shampoo
22. Get thirty-second YouTube ads
23. Forget to cancel your free trial
24. Hit only red lights when you're late for work
25. Forget the punchline to your joke
26. Only hear "you had to be there" stories
27. Forget your pizza in the oven
28. Leave your phone across the room when you just sat down
29. Break a nail
30. Lose the TV remote
31. Have Netflix constantly buffer
32. Can't get spinach out of your teeth
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33. Have to work on your birthday
34. Have a fly in your car
35. Lose your room key
36. Say hi when your friends aren't looking and don't get recognized
37. Get brought the wrong food
38. Run into your parents at a bar
39. Have your flipflop break
40. Forget your sunglasses
41. Kill your succulent
42. Get caught in the rain without an umbrella
43. Forget to charge your phone
44. Have an awkward conversation in stores with acquaintances
45. Fill your eyebrows in too dark
46. Don't have continental breakfast at your hotel
47. Have to cough during prayer in church
48. Call your significant other the wrong name
49. Watch your favorite sports team lose
50. Go over your data—because of your sibling
51. Leave your car windows down in the rain
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