I am not surprised anymore by the people who walk into my life only to step on it as if it were their home's junk drawer to lazily clutter and abandon whenever they like. If that is too much of exaggeration, then you've never had the displeasure of being underestimated or slighted by lowbrow humorists whose idea of a laugh is asserting their life over yours as the best you cannot have and never will have. If I wanted to be at the top of this person's ladder, I would get my own ladder first and realize my own ladder is all I needed.
There is no point in reaching the peak without an endgame in mind. But that is the point, the endgame is for this act to be a game that only this person can play. I have never been a player and will not join in the lowbrow Minesweeper antics of the self-amused compatriots who enjoy nothing more than to see you devolve with each guess and read you can make out of their personalities.
These people refuse to acknowledge any healthy level of self-awareness and honesty that would benefit everyone including themselves. Why bother with making the unassuming and quiet outsider feel included when you can flout him and instead seek and emphasize the much better company and comfort of the clique you have come to know?
Adulthood too often is treated like a big club, and if you are not in the club, you get beat over the head with it. What insiders do not realize is how much simpler and less self-effacing it is to be outside the group. I do not expect those who disappoint me to understand the origin of my disappointment, nor do I expect a change of heart or character. I am not here to police anyone's moral compass. I am not here to be liked, I am just here to do a good job.
Now, I could look at these moments of disappointment as an unfortunate job I have to hold among inconsiderate and selfish employees I work with. Nothing would be easier than having a look. If that was it all it took, it probably would not be worth doing, but it would be a circuitous stalemate.
The thing to do in times of belittlement and disregard is not to count yourself out, but count yourself off the number line. Damn the arithmetic, you are not another number that can fit others' cruel parameters. You are not the problem, you are the solution. You did not have to succumb and conform, all you had to do was be yourself and you were.
To move on to the next step you take should be not to doubt the likelihood of better days either. It should not be to completely rant, although it is a helpful catharsis. The job at hand, among the most important aspects of that job, is to pull an Ariana Grande and give thanks to these moments you do have in time to move on to something better and hopefully for the best.
Be grateful, even when and if no one is.
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