Growing up in an ethnically diverse neighborhood, I’ve had the good fortune of developing friendships from all over the world.
One of my dear friends is half American, half Malaysian. Emily has gorgeous toffee skin and dark, smooth hair. Another friend’s father is from Puerto Rico and her mother’s family roots are African. Cori. Cori has the most radiant smile and perfectly bright teeth of anyone I know. I, on the other hand, am a very pale, white as snow Southern girl who has a little bit of Creek and Cherokee Indian blood running through my veins.
I couldn’t look any more different from them than I already do. I met both of these friends during the most vulnerable years of my life—middle school—and now Cori has been my college roommate the last two year. We call ourselves SwirlFriends because you can never go wrong with a blend of chocolate and vanilla! During our high school and college years, we’ve watched as racial tension has grown. It makes our hearts hurt because we just don’t understand the “why.” We’ve been taught to love and learn from each other and that’s what we continue to do! Our lessons from being friends and roommates are bittersweet.
1. Fight and talk
You have to fight for each other’s causes and talk about it. I learned from Cori the value of being a voice against discrimination. Showing that you care and understand each other’s perspectives on various political topics or discrimination on campus means a lot. Candid conversation about sensitive issues also opens the door to thoughtful, honest discussions. Don’t assume that since you're roommates with one another that your living situation, alone, qualifies as being supportive enough. I was taking the “quiet way out” during the Presidential election and Black Lives Matter Movement. I was scared and angry and just didn’t know how to say, “Hey, I hate all this, too!” Of course, I assumed Cori knew I was hurting and angry right along with her, but after we talked about my silence, I realized my decision to be mum about it all had been sending the wrong message. Lesson learned—from now on, I will fight when it’s right and speak up about it!
2. Embrace the hair and skin products
I learned from Cori that “ethnic” hair care is AMAZING! Cori’s hair can go from curly q to straight to braided during any given week. My frizzy brown hair, on the other hand, has two options—straight or frizzy. After an envious sneak peek at her hair products, I went shopping and came home with edge control for my fly away big hair. Cori had a good laugh about me attempting to use edge control “the right way. She taught me how to use it to my advantage and what hair styles would be considered culturally appropriate for such a Goddess like product. Likewise, she knows that if anyone knows good sunscreen products, it’s me with my super pale skin!
3. Acceptance can be seen and felt
Acceptance is a characteristic of friendship that is unwavering. Throughout my time in college, I have taken Cori to numerous campus or Greek life events as my “date.” She is my SwirlFriend, after all. Sadly, I’ve noticed that not everyone is as accepting of her presence as I am, and it makes me angry and uncomfortable. Granted, I am aware that not all events are like this and that my campus strives to make everyone feel included, but the exceptions to the rule are the ones I remember the most because they are deeply painful. On the other hand, when she brings me to her campus events such as “Stroll like an Alpha” or to tailgating parties that she’s been invited to, I’ve never once felt left out or as if I’m being viewed as an unwelcome interloper because of my skin color. This isn’t meant to be a blanket statement, but it IS something we’ve noticed as roomies in our unique personal experiences. Lesson learned—Be Aware! If your friend isn’t being welcomed, go out of your way to make it okay. Take a stand for inclusivity and appreciate others for their friendship, not their color. Take a note from Martin Luther King!
4. SwirlFriends = Family
As Cori and I talked about this article, I asked her to help me with these lessons and this is the last one she sent me. It’s the most valuable to me. She said, “A lot of times we don’t even really consider each other’s race, it’s just a familial approach. Yes, we are aware of the significance of race in society, but we don’t allow it to control or define our friendship. We’ve never done anything differently specifically because we have different skin color.” 'Nuff said.
5. Enter the 'no Token zone'
In general, we have the same friend groups at school. When one of us is going to hang out with a smaller friendship group, I bring Cori. We share our friend groups with one another and have expanded our connections. Because we’ve let go of labels, I never feel like “the token white girl” at Cori’s hangouts. That’s because we see ourselves as extensions of one another and I consider her my sister. As SwirlFriends, we live in a No Token Zone and that makes life pretty sweet
Want to enjoy all that this diverse world has to offer? Mix it up a bit! Give it a swirl!
