I am guilty of associating a negative connotation with the word sweet. This harmless word that’s meant to describe a person who is pleasant, good-natured, or kind is often misused. My aversion developed after countless acquaintances would describe someone I was about to meet as the sweetest, but after meeting the aforementioned sweetheart I quickly realized that a more suitable descriptor would have been submissive.

Why are these two qualities, sweet and submissive, so often coupled? Someone who is submissive lets another have authority over them. They yield to another’s opinion without standing up for their own. Sweet, on the other hand, describes someone who is beloved, pleasant, or dear. Isn’t it a tad sadistic to think that those we describe as lovable are the ones who we feel are the easiest to control?

This isn’t to say that there are not good-hearted people in the world who also happen to be mild-mannered. My protest arises when persons who are meek or tractable are automatically assumed to be kind-hearted purely because of their obliging nature. These qualities are not considerate; they are convenient.

It is not kindness that prompts someone to have no idea what he or she wants to eat. It’s not an overwhelming sense of comradery that compels someone to comply with everything you say. It isn’t courteous to nod along to someone’s words without offering any original thought or disagreement.

These docile actions are not the trademark of individuals who are sweet. Instead, they often come from those who fear being disliked. This method of exuding subservience to gain adoration is quite successful. While many take an immediate liking to the submissive, there’s an equal immediate dislike for the dominant.

For example, the other day at the gym I was listening to my favorite pop starlets while running on the treadmill. I was a sweaty mess and didn’t want to touch my phone, so I let YouTube scroll through videos itself. As anthems like Side to Side and It Ain’t Me motivated me through my workout, I was quickly lead to a different corner of the internet. I peered down and noticed the new video was titled Top 10 Diva Moments.

For some reason, I just let the video play. Perhaps I was a bit curious to witness America’s sweethearts acting out. However, the moments that were included as diva moments were not diva at all. In fact, they were exclusively moments where young celebrities were being harassed or condescended to and instead of smiling through it or laughing uncomfortably, they decided to stand up for themselves.

I continued watching these videos intended to attack the reputation of various young women and grew disgusted. Many of these ladies handled their situations with tact and grace, but the fact that they offered any kind of friction at all was deemed uncivil. Unfortunately, this condemnation of self-assertiveness is not limited to the rich and famous.

There is a stigma that follows those who dare to be bold. You may be labeled as demanding, high maintenance, difficult, or stubborn. I’m not claiming that every loudmouth has a heart of gold. There are some who blaze paths without having sympathy or sensitivity to others, but there appears to be a common misconception that all people who are unafraid to disagree are somehow harder to get along with.

I guess there is a pint of truth in that. It’s hard to get along with a person complete with morals, beliefs, opinions, and passions, especially when they differ from your own. You may have to compromise, show understanding, be sympathetic and maybe even see from a different point of view. It’s much easier to get along with someone who agrees with everything you say.

The thing is, nobody agrees with everything you say. While some of us have more in common than others, we all have preferences and qualities that make us unique. What’s sad is that there are many who are too scared to show their true colors due to fear of rejection. They’d rather have others think they are sweet than risk upsetting someone. The intentions are good, but are they worth it?

The truth of it is no matter what you do, there’s going to be somebody somewhere who just doesn’t like you. That is perfectly okay. I repeat, that is perfectly okay. It doesn’t make you unkind of unlikable; it also doesn’t make them impolite for not liking you. It just means that different people have different tastes. You can vanilla yourself up as much as you want trying not offend anyone’s taste, but there will still be someone who simply does not like vanilla.

There are people who blithely give the middle finger to those who dislike them. That’s deliciously rock and roll, but if that’s not your style, there is a way to politely (or dare I say sweetly) avoid sacrificing your identity for the sake of others. Not everyone is going to have an easy time saying No, I don’t like that. There are many ways to stand up for yourself while still being considerate of others. We don’t need everyone to become super sassy; what we need is a society that prioritizes loyalty to one’s identity over the desire to be liked.

It’s prudent that we stop defining the kindness of someone’s heart by how easy they make it for others to like them. This struggle to be adored by the masses requires sacrifices of individuality that just aren’t worth it. The good news is, you will find people who like you for who you are. It may not be a mass following, but it will be authentic if you are.

At the end of the day, we are all individuals. Where we fall on the submissive to dominant spectrum does not define how sweet of a person we are. It's amazing to be considered beloved, pleasant, and dear. Just don't let the pursuit of these simple words of affection define everything you are. Sweet is replaceable, a dime a dozen. You are not.