Lets be real. . .we all know at least one person who physically harms them self. If you don't; your blind. Self harm doesn't always consist of cutting, I'm going to explain to y'all other forms of self harm that not every one can see. A dear friend of mine offered to tell of her experience. For confidentiality, I will call her Susan. 

Susan's greatest joys was destruction. She over indulged because that is all she knew. Instead of cutting, she brought the pain inside so that she could feel it come out of her. It simply hurts worse by bringing the pain form outside to the inside. Susan has cuts, but you can not see them. Her cuts come out in puke, anger, shakes, and even. .

Susan put her body through so much internal damage because her organs are the most vulnerable and hurt the worst. She once couldn't eat for days, but now she can go weeks. All this pain; Susan says she craves it because she know's that shes still able to feel. . .she doesn't want to become numb. Sounds idiotic, but when her stomach is crying out for food, or when the overdose of pain medications upset it-shows that she is surviving. That feeling of when emotional freedom spreads through her body while oxygen escapes her body. When Susan doesn't sleep for days her mind is throbbing for a time of rest. She only gives a little to show that her mind deserves the pain. The emotion Susan feels when her mind aches is like she is at a club with awful music that’s making the walls shake and her eyes sink in her skull. Susan allows her mind to tell her that shes trash, no good, that she should just die because no one cares. Her mind has a mind of its own now; shes become afraid of it, insecure, scared, afraid. Susan takes the blame of others, she picks up after others and does her best to help others with there trouble(s) because they don't deserve it.

Is it bad, when Susan hears a siren she wishes it was her that they were going after? Is it bad, when Susan sees someone going to jail she wishes it was her in there shoes? Is it bad, that Susan wants to leave this place? Is it bad? Or is Susan bad? 

 So you ask me how does Susan feel alone when someone says there here for her? People will always be here for help, but not internally. They won't be able to pick up the broken pieces within. You can always put a broken mirror back together, but it'll never be the same. You tell me; you are at your worst mental state possible, and someone comes up to you making sure your okay. What would you do? How would you feel opening up to someone you hardly know? Yeah, it's hard because we all have our own weight. We all have our limits, but a simple question as Are you okay? can be more difficult to answer. It burns the back of her throat, but at the end of the day, she claims shes okay and I hope y'all are too.

 As Susan stated, "What comes with self harm, is attempt in suicide." Even though, Susan says self harm doesn't have an intention for suicide. "It just happens," mumbled Susan as her head dropped to the floor. I know a couple who are victims of suicide. I’ve watched others blame themselves, I’ve seen the horror of destruction wipe out families and friendships. Just know that those victims didn’t kill them self to die, but end the pain. You can always be there for someone, but one who is suicidal needs more than words, more than some affection every now and then. They. Just. Need. More. The warr;ors are only seeking to make up the emptiness that they lost in their past. 

 At the end of the day, we all eventually fade away. . .

P.S. If you are reading this and you struggle with self harm-in any form, stay strong and keep your head up. The world is at your finger tips, use it to your advantage! Succeed and prosper!!

Cassandra Reynolds