Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) isn’t easy. I’ve heard many horror stories of true love-gone-wrong when distance becomes a factor. However, contrary to popular belief, successful LDR’s do exist. If you can survive the time changes and the late nights, at the end of the day, you might find that you and your s/o might grow closer together.
When I graduated high school, I discovered I was the only one in my group of friends that was going out of state for college. I was leaving everything behind, the people I spent my high school years with, my family and my adorable dogs, and worst of all, my boyfriend. We’d been dating for a year and a half, and I was at the turning point in my life; do I move on and leave him behind, or do we attempt to make it work and take on the dreaded status of being an LDR. Being an 18 year old who was madly in love, I decided to stay the course and hope for the best.
The first week was devastating. I was at a complete loss without the person who had been attached to my side for over a year. The combination of homesickness and missing him made it hard for me to enjoy meeting all the new people in my dorm, and I ended up staying in for half the week, looking at profile pictures and pining away. Finally, I snapped myself out of it. I skyped him and we talked for several hours about the what we wanted to do with our relationship, and after we hung up I made a list of six rules for myself:
- Stay busy as much as possible. Being active left me much less time to pine over him, gave me the freedom to join clubs and activities that I love, and it made making friends so much easier.
- Call him once a week, and limit texting. I didn’t want to be that girl who was always on her cell phone and blocking out the rest of the world, and because I forced myself to pull away from him, the times we did spend talking together were much more meaningful and not just full of repetition.
- Change your profile picture. Taking away the constant reminder of him and making it current not only kept me sane but also made it more interesting for my family and friends. I knew I was in a relationship with him, and that’s all that mattered, and so I felt free to share the other side of my life with the world.
- Talk to other guys. Making friends with guys is not bad at all, I’ve fostered many good friendships with the boys around me without feeling like I’m doing anything wrong, and we’ve made boundaries so that he never needs to get jealous because I’m not doing anything sneaky. Have a long talk with your significant other about the title you put on your relationship and make sure that both of you know what is happening, whether it is staying closed or being open, or somewhere in between.
- Keep him in your heart, but not on your mind. Knowing that he was always there was a comforting idea, but focusing on my studies and my friendships and not on him helped me to not miss out on those important Netflix nights and study parties with the other people I’ve come to love in these past few months. My heart is open for everyone in my life, he has his special place in it as do my college friends and my family.
- Trust and adjust. Having a strong emotional connection with someone can make you very vulnerable, and often leads to lack of trust when they’re not around. I reminded myself that he was just as invested as I was, talked to him about exactly where we were in our relationship, and reminded myself that we should adjust our relationship and not our lifestyles in order to maintain a healthy balance in our lives.
Making this list allowed me to enjoy my first semester in college and not limit any opportunities that might have crossed my path. We had our bumps and struggles, and we almost broke it off several times due to lack of communication or just plain missing each other, but we pushed through and this Valentine's Day we'll be mailing our chocolate and watching a movie over Skype together. I don’t know what the future will hold, but I know with these guidelines to my LDR, I will have the strength to push through those difficult times and possibly see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Evaluate your strengths, evaluate your relationship, and if you think you can make your own list of rules (or follow the one I made) and stay focused and interactive in the world around you, I think giving it a shot is always worth it. Through my 167 days apart from him, we’ve built a stronger, more mature bond, and we’ve been able to cherish being together because we know how it feels to be apart. Absence really CAN make the heart grow fonder.
